Sincerely, Me - Starrison

Sincerely, Me (Book Version)

Yo Rings,

Sorry it's been a minute. I been all crazy and shit. You feel me?

"Why are you making him talk like that?" Ringo facepalmed.

"Like what?" John asked innocently.

"You know, like that. Just make him talk normally."

Dearest Mr. Starkey,

I am terribly sorry, alas, that I have failed to maintain contact. Life has been most challenging as of late.

"Okay, now he sounds like a prince or something!" Ringo dug out one of the letters he had written to himself. "Just have him speak like you and I do! And it has to match me letter exactly! Make it say, 'Dear Richard Starkey'."

"Why would you guys refer to each other by your full names?" John rested his chin in his hand. "And your real one, in your case."

He opened his mouth, then realized he couldn't come up with a good argument. John had got him there. "I - I don't know! It just has to be that way, okay?"

"Suit yourself." He began typing again, then gestured to the screen.

Dear Richard Starkey,

Sorry I've been out of touch. Things have been crazy.

"That's perfect!" Ringo beamed. "Just like that!"

"Glad you like it." John's smile turned sinister.

I want you to know that you've been on me mind this whole time. I rub me nipples every night as I picture your sweet, sweet face.

"HEY!" He slammed his hands down on the table, blushing furiously. "No!"

"Should I include something about your nose?" he snickered. "What? Why so upset?"

"Why would you write that?" Ringo shot back.

"I'm just trying to tell the truth." John raised his hands to write more, only for the laptop to be slammed shut on his fingers. "SHIT! What the hell, you arsehole?!"

"Sorry, but if you're not going to take this seriously, then forget it. These e-mails need to prove that we were actually friends. They have to be completely realistic." He freed his fingers with an apologetic look.

"Realistic?" He rolled his eyes in the most exaggerated way he could muster. "Do you know how often I saw Harrison eyeing you up? There is nothing unrealistic about the love that one bloke feels for another."

"I just..." Ringo pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. "Just write down exactly what I say. 'Life without you has been hard'."

"Hard?" John snorted.

"Fine, change it to 'rough'."

"Kinky!"

"You know what? Let me type." He pushed him out of the chair and sat down. "Okay, I can do this."

I like me parents.

"Who says that?" he asked from the floor. "And stop thinking out loud."

I love me parents, but I hate how much we fight. I should really stop smoking drugs.

"Smoking drugs?" John pushed himself to his feet.

"Just fix it." Ringo pointed to the chair.

He didn't move. "This isn't realistic at all."

"How do you know? You barely knew George." He stopped, realizing his own hypocrisy. "Look, the objective here is to show that I was a good friend, you know? That I was really trying to help him."

"Oh, god!" John doubled over in laughter. "Okay, okay. You got it."

I should really take your advice and stop smoking crack.

"Crack?" Ringo blinked. "That's a little extreme, no? Do people in our school actually -"

"Yes," John interrupted. "Don't ask how I know that."

I should really take your advice and stop smoking pot. Maybe then everything might be okay. And I'll try to be nicer. Wish me luck.

"That's not bad, actually!" He smiled warmly. "Now sign it at the bottom, 'Sincerely, Me'."

"Not even gonna ask." He yawned, stretching his arms over his head. "Are we done yet?"

"No, I can't just show them one e-mail. We need a reply from me back to George. You ready?" Ringo waved a hand in front of his face. "Hello?"

"Look at the bumper on that bird," John drawled, pointing across the gym. "God, she's fine." He continued typing as he talked.

He nodded. "'Dear George Harrison, I just got back from the gym'."

"The gym? Seriously?" He reached over and squeezed his bicep. "Unlikely."

"Hike."

"Yeah, more believable."

"'I took pictures of the most amazing trees'."

"No."

"But that really happened!" Ringo protested.

"Sometimes you truly break me heart, Red Birch Ringo." John stuck out his tongue.

Dear George Harrison,

I'm really proud of you for pushing through this tough time. It really seems like you're starting to turn things around. You know I'm here for you whenever you need me.

Sincerely,
Me

"Your friendship is precious," he cooed.

"It does seem nice, doesn't it?" A twinge of sadness panged in his chest. If George hadn't died, would they maybe have become friends? Good friends, like in this pretend relationship they had fabricated? There was no use dwelling on the past, though. He was abruptly snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of typing.

P.S. Your sister's hot.

"What the hell?!"

"Me bad."