The Saddest Word

Dead Angels

Tyler's POV: 

    When I came to, I was in my bed, my comforter wrapped around me tightly. The room was dark, the curtains pulled closely together. There were noises around the house, and I finally concluded that I should get up. 

    I rolled onto my side to grab my phone, and that's when the events of this morning hit me with such an impact that I fell back onto the bed. Tears pricked my eyes, a foreign sensation ripped through me, and I cried out. The tears fell down my face in rapid succession. Before I knew what was happening, I was up, and I was on a rampage. 

    Anything around me I grabbed and threw around the room, nothing was safe. I had heard the bedroom door open, but I didn't care. I wanted them to see the storm that was brewing in my head. They needed to understand my pain, and they needed to understand NOW. 

    I felt arms wrap around me, and I struggled to get out. I needed out. 

    I needed my best friend... 

    "Goddamn, Tyler! Stop! You're going to hurt someone!" The person who was holding onto me said, tightening themselves even more around me. I recognized the voice. It was Uriah, my friend from track. 

    "Please.... tell me it's all a joke... please.. Cassidy... Oh, god." I sunk to my knees, my hands flew to my face, and I started sobbing. 

    Uriah sat next to me, fiddling with his hands, not knowing what to do. I looked up at him, because I had heard the crinkle of paper. 

    "Uriah.. What do you have?" His eyes widened slightly, and he hesitated, then said slowly, 

    "It's a letter from Cassidy. She said she explained everything in here.. Dude, it's rough. I know, but it's going to get easier, just please don't go all ape shit again... That was fucking terrifying.." I chuckled at his uneasiness towards my anger, and reached for the letter. 

     Uriah handed it to me, and stood and left. I only gave a small wave, too focused on the handwriting on the envelope. 

    Dear Tyler, 

                You must be wondering why I did this... I know a lot of people do, but you can't blame it all on you. Yes, you played a small part, but everyone did. It wasn't just you. 

                A lot of people might be angry towards you, because well, you should know me better than you did, but I hid a lot from you. I am so sorry, but I was just so.. sad. Nothing was ever good enough for me. When you friendzoned me, that hurt. I thought that I finally mattered to someone other than to myself. 

                And when we kissed after the banquet in the hallway, I thought that mattered to you, and I thought that we had a better relationship than that. I guess that since I wasn't enough for myself, I couldn't have ever been good enough for you. That's understandable.  I wish I could have been brave for you, and lived my life like a normal teenager, but I couldn't. 

                 There were too many people that told me that I should kill myself, and so I finally took their offer into consideration. Terrance, Evan, Brittney, Breanna, and Timothy all told me to kill myself, and I so don't blame them for that. I deserved it, I guess. You don't. 

                I never want you to feel like I didn't love you, because I did. I loved you even when I hated you. Through everything, you were my only reason to stay alive, and so when you left, my purpose left me. All reasons left me. The happiness of life wasn't enough anymore. I hope that you still have your reason for living. 

                There are a few things that I wasn't able to do that I want you to do for me, and you have to do them by my standards, okay? Okay. So here's my bucket list that I need you to tackle. It all needs to happen before the 2nd year anniversary of my death rolls around. You have two years. Choose wisely, Obi wan. 

        1.) Go sky diving, and do it with someone you have never talked to at all. 

        2.) Read Wuthering Heights and read it through with that same person, and have a meet-n-read. (I know you don't like to read very much, but do this for me, ok?)

        3.) Go to a concert with that exact same person.

        4.) Do something illegal, like skinny dipping in the canal or something like that with that same person. 

         5.) Fall in love

         6.) Get married

         7.) Go on a long road trip with that person, and the minimum has to be for three weeks. 

         8.) Get into a good college

         9.) Spend the night outside in your bathing suit, by Lake McConaughy in Nebraska with that person.

       10.) Live without your phone for a week's time. No social media. You can do this with or without that person. 

       11.) This is the last one. Forgive. 

                                   I love you. - Cassidy.

___________________________________________________________________

Hey guys, I know this one was shorter, but I had finals, and uggghhh. Please keep reading, it's not quite so boring, and Tyler finds himself in a rough patch in the next chapter. I love you guys, and hope you enjoy the story! If there ever is anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, just pm/dm me, and I will try and not include that as much. 

In the next chapter there is a bit of physical and mental violence. Read at your own risk.