My letters - jachary

Letter 9

We've been on tour for a month now.
But that ain't what is sad.
It's sad because you've been gone for half a year.
6 months.
We're in your state today.
I have a plan.
I'm going to go to your house.
When the boys go out I'm going to your house.
I'm sorry if your there and you get mad.

"Bye guys" I said when they left

I headed out to see you. I waited 5 mins and then left.

I got an Uber to your house and they dropped me off.

Your moms car was there so I knocked on the door.

She opened it and her face dropped.

Did she hate me for coming.

Oh no. I'm still wearing your hoodie.

She knows it's yours because she bought it for you and had your last name written on it.

"Hey Zach." She said and I walked in.

"Hi k-Kristen" I said as we sat down on the couch.

"Why are you here?" She asked me

"We have a show tonight and I wanted to see if jack was here" I said and she teared up.

Why was she crying.

Why did it hurt her for me to ask that.

She excused herself from the room and she called someone.

In less than 5 minutes the boys were here.

"What's going on" I asked

"Why can't I know where jack is" I screamed

"Don't you care that I love him" I yelled once more

"I'm sorry he left me I just want to know where he is and I'll never talk to you again. Please Kristen tell me" I yelled again and she broke down crying

The boys stopped and they sat me down and they cried too.

Good thing jacks sisters weren't here or they would also be crying.

"Why are you crying? What happened is jack okay? Why can't I know where he is? I just want to make sure he's safe" I said and Kristen walked to me and sat down.

She hugged me and whispered.

"Zach baby. I know what happened to you. We all do. That's why we've been keeping it a secret. Honey you know what happened to jack. But you have shut it out. You've made up this little story in your head that says. Jack left after telling you he loved you. But that ain't what happened. You and jack started dating and after your first date you got in a car accident. Jack was driving and a semi truck hit his side. You got injured but from where it was such a traumatic incident the doctors said you shut it out. Jack loved you so dearly he told me all the time and you loved him the same way but honey it's time to let go" Kristen told me all of that and I couldn't understand.

"No no no. He left me after I didn't tell him I loved him. He ran away. He's here he has to be. It's been 6 months he has to come back. I'm sorry I didn't tell him I love him I do. Please don't lie to me" I cried out but hen the memories came back.

The car accident.
We had left IHOP because jack made me go because he wanted pancakes but I wanted chipotle.
After we did he interlocked our hands and kissed mine when a truck came out of no where and hit him.

I cried out for him but I blacked out.
When I woke up I was at home and jack was gone.

The funeral was almost a week later.
I threw the white rose down on his coffin and cried.

I cried so hard.

But then I pushed everything away and made it all up.

Jack never left me.

I left him.

I stayed on earth when he went to heaven.

"I should have died that night" I cried

"He shouldn't have been the one to go. He didn't deserve to die. I should have. He was perfect and never harmed anyone. He loved every one why did he have to go" I cried

"Baby it's not your fault. It's no ones fault it was jacks time to go. God wanted him home before all of us. He's watching over you don't worry. He still loves you I promise" Kristen said and I hugged her.

Later on the boys drove me back to the bus.

We postponed tour for a little while and went back home.

I was let back into jacks room that night and when I did I saw why they didn't want me to go in there.

I noticed all the things i shut out.

There was a picture of me and jack kissing on his nightstand.

There was multiple pictures.

Even tho he died on our date I know we loved eachother even before then.

I understand why you left now jack.

I forgive you.