Lost Girl

Chapter 16

Diana

The ride back to the hotel was tense, filled with the sort of silence that said more than words could. Every so often, my mouth would drop open to say something--anything--to cut through it, but I couldn't find anything that would make it better so I just shut it again. About 20 minutes in, I just gave up and stared at the floor. I didn't even have the comfort of staring out of the window; Calum and Ashton were on either side of me, both with their arms crossed and legs wide like there was no need for anyone else to have any room.

Michael would look up from his phone sometimes, this little smirk on his face that told me he knew what he'd done. I stared at Calum's shoes, trying to block everyone else out, but I found it really hard to do when, at random intervals, I felt their eyes on me. It was like they were waiting for me to explode even as I sat and waited for them.

I glanced at Calum, a little set aback by how harsh the planes of his face seemed, by the twitch of the muscles in his jaw. I don't remember ever seeing him this angry, even in pictures where the captions read "Calum looks really mad". I took in Ashton's face a few seconds later; he'd somehow become the best friend that I'd never really had. He understood more than I even told him, and I was really grateful for all the help.

He looked just as pissed off as Calum, but he looked scarier in a way. For all that he definitely could pull off an angry facade, Calum still had the puppy dog eyes, the cute face. Ashton...I shrunk away from him a bit, instinct and experience shrieking danger, danger, danger. He didn't look at me, but the way his shoulders tensed told me he'd noticed my reaction.

I can't lie to myself, though I wish I could; the amount of anger and testosterone and male bodies surrounding me made me more than a bit nervous. I don't think I can stand being suffocated by it for much longer; sweat was forming on my back, a bubble of some emotion vaguely recognizable as terror climbing up my spine. They were all so close, so mad, so strong...I bet they'd have no trouble at all holding me down.

Bile rose in my throat at the ugly thought, a ripple of the sickness I still hadn't cured. Fortunately, before I managed to explain my feelings through spewing it all over them, we came to a stop in front of the building. My legs shook as I waited for Ashton to climb out so that I could escape. It felt like he took his sweet time, leisurely stepping down. When I took my first breath of fresh air, I instantly felt the panic subside--though one look at Calum's face was enough to bring it back a bit.

"Let's go." He muttered at me.

I nodded mutely, following him up the steps to the hotel door. We used the elevator, pretending to ignore each other until we reached our room.

"When you finish your shower, we're going to talk." he said quietly, clicking the door shut.

"No," I murmured, avoiding his gaze, "we're going to talk now." I wasn't going to let him walk all over me, no matter that he probably thought he was doing me a favor. I don't need a shower right at this minute, thank you very much.

"If you want." He replied, plopping himself down on the couch.

"Look..." I said, fiddling with my thumbs. Of course I have feelings for him, of course I want to be with him; none of that was in question, not in my mind. To him, sure, because I was still figuring everything out in my head, so I hadn't exactly elaborated on how I felt.

"I don't want a fake relationship." I blurted, and my face suddenly felt a lot hotter than it had a second ago.

"Neither do I." I looked down at the ground, still standing up.

I felt like if I sat down, I'd lose whatever courage I had and then I'd have to force some bullshit out of my mouth that wouldn't resolve anything.