As Long As You Love Me ✓

18. Don't Hold Me

He pushed the thoughts from his mind and concentrated on sleep. Tomorrow's forecast called for cloudy, cold, and windy. Working at the top of a pole in those conditions, the last thing he needed was sleep deprivation—and a woman on his mind. Especially one he wanted and couldn't have.

*

The next morning, Zari didn't move when Gabriel slipped out of bed, which was a good thing. The less conversation with her, the better. So as not to disturb her, after brushing his teeth, he went to the front of the house to dress. No need to make coffee, he could just hit the drive thru.

He paused long enough to jot a note and drop some fish flakes into Alpheus' bowl, before heading out the door. A sharp cut of frigid air met him when he stepped outside. The weatherman had not missed today's prediction, but Gabriel had a feeling every time he replayed the bathroom scene from last night, he'd break out in a sweat.

*

Zari opened her eyes and listened. No sounds from the kitchen. No light on in the bathroom. Gabriel must have left already. Just as well. With only one working hand, fixing his breakfast was out of the question. More like he'd have to cook for her, and he'd already done so much, she didn't want to take more advantage of his generosity.

She grabbed her phone from the nightstand and texted Matthew. Within a few seconds, he answered, and just as Gabriel had predicted, he welcomed the prospect of car shopping.

With the problem of getting dressed looming over her, she scooted out of bed. She'd be able to manage everything—but a bra. Since she had no choice, guessed she'd go without one. At least the cool weather provided the opportunity to wear a jacket.

Once she'd put herself together, she ambled into the living room and studied the place. Shopping the day before, then visiting with her godfather, she'd not really given much attention to how bare the furnishings were. Hardly any furniture. No artwork. Not a single tchotchke, unless she counted the wooden bowl Gabriel kept his change in, the piece of petrified wood on the mantle, the three pillar candles she'd scrounged, and a handmade framed photograph of a dark haired, gap toothed little girl she guessed to be Silbie, arms wrapped around taller, freckled boy. Odd she didn't remember any of this. Surely she'd been to his house before now.

A note on the counter caught her eye. Here's my cell number. Please text me yours. Dinner at Mom's tonight at 7:00. I fed Alpheus.

She didn't get Gabriel. One minute he buried his face between her breasts, the next, didn't even bother to sign his note. No Love, Gabriel. No, see you later. No nothing. But yet, he offered her comfort at any sign of sadness. Maybe this was an example of what he'd said last night. Moodiness. Or, maybe he was just a man of few words. Whatever the reason, she wouldn't question it. Not until her brain got back in order because she had nowhere else to go. If she pushed him too hard, he might ask her to leave, and staying here with a few unanswered issues was much easier than coping with a world full of strangers.

She entered Gabriel's number into her contacts, then took a minute to text hers. Unlike him, she added something more than just the requested information. Have a nice day. And a smiley face emoji.  She might have memory problems, but he definitely had barrier difficulties. He'd put a wall—really four, and boxed his emotions inside. Every now and then, like last night in the bathroom, kneeling before her naked body, he let his guard down, if only for a moment. But quickly retreated. That was okay. She had plenty of time to tear the barricade down, and she would, even if it was one brick at a time.

Tonight, would be an excellent opportunity to start the demolition. Meeting his mother—again, because Zari was sure they'd met before. However, she needed to heed Dr Lewis's warning. Don't interrogate people trying to force memory to return. Such actions would only cause more stress. Just let things happen naturally. She'd broken that rule yesterday trying to pump information from Elena, and the doctor was right. Since then, Zari had been overthinking everything. Even the lack of a signature on a silly note.