The Silence

Chapter Thirteen

"You OK?" Veronica asked me. She was sitting in the seat next to mine again and playing with her hair, twisting it into a spiral that made it curl when she let it go.

"I'm good." I grunted and glared at my phone unhappily. Even though I knew Julian would be skipping school to go to the doctors, I hadn't expected it to last all the way into the night. Was that normal? Should I be worried? No, Julian had said it was normal himself. God, what was wrong with me?

"Where's Julian?" Veronica asked and I peered at her to see if she was joking. She didn't look like she was....

"He had a doctor's appointment today." I grumbled and she nodded.

"Makes sense."

"Huh?" I grabbed my phone again and tapped at it uselessly.

"Nothing." She smiled at me. I went back to ignoring her and focused on our boring class work so I didn't lose my mind.

By the time class let out, I was almost foaming at the mouth to get away from everyone. I stumbled to a stop by the school's notice board and pulled out a cigarette with my teeth. If Julian were here, he would wrinkle his nose slightly, like a rabbit and quickly fix his face before he thought I noticed. As soon as it was lit, I breathed in deep and I let the calm wash over me. God, I had a headache. How the hell did Julian deal with his migraines? At least after a quick coffee and a nap I'd feel better. Nothing helped with migraines at all.

I was turning to head to the school cafeteria for that cup of coffee when I saw the flyer advertising band practice flapping in the wind on the notice board. Crap. I'd forgotten about practice today. There was no way I'd be able to focus. And with how I'd been feeling lately, was it even worth going anymore?

The only sound at the table that night was the gentle clink of our cutlery sliding across the plates. Despite the coffee and a pretty satisfying nap this afternoon, I still felt like crap. How was Julian feeling? Tired? Hungry? Was he allowed to eat during the tests?

"Nicholas." I flinched at my father's voice and put down my fork and knife. I shared a glance with Evelyn and I could almost see her begging me with her eyes.

"Yeah?"

"I got a call from the Musical Department today. Something about you quitting band? I told them that was nonsense because I know how much you - "

"I did. I quit this afternoon."

"Excuse me?" His mouth fell open.

"I don't want to play anymore." I said softly and dipped my head over my plate.

"What?..." He scoffed incredulously and put down his own fork and knife. "What did you just say?"

"I said I don't want to play anymore."

"You don't WANT - "

"Thomas..." Evelyn tried to interrupt but my father carried on spluttering.

"Do you remember how much you begged me to speak to Mr Freidman for you? How much you WANTED - "

"Thomas! Leave the boy alone. Honestly. If he doesn't want to play, he doesn't want to play. Are you really going to force him to?"

"This isn't about forcing him to do anything. He made a commitment and he should know he can't change his mind on a whim every time he WANTS something different." His words stung because they'd been said to me a hundred times before about the particular topic that had started this mini civil war in the first place.

"I'm done. Can I be excused?" I asked.

"No." My father said at the same time Evelyn nodded.

"You can go, Nicky, darling." I stood up and I was out of that dining room as fast as my legs could carry me.

I went straight to the garden. It was cool and dark and I just needed a breather. I needed a second of silence and I needed...Julian.

Saint: You around?

There was no answer after 10 minutes and I sank into the damp grass with a sigh. Definitely time for a smoke. The first one went too quickly and I stubbed out the butt into the grass aggressively. The second one I savoured. I looked up into the night sky and wondered what made people think they could start owning shit like stars that might not even exist anymore. Their lights could only be reaching earth now when they'd burned out ages ago. Crazy.

I startled when I felt a blanket drop around my shoulders.

"It looked chilly. I didn't want you to catch a cold." Evelyn said.

"Thanks." I muttered and she looked at me like she wanted to say something else, but she just smiled and left.

My phone beeped in my pocket.

Julian: I was asleep.😔

Saint: Sorry 🙇

Julian: It's cool. Did you need something?

Saint: I just wanted to ask how the tests were going so far.

Julian: About the same as always.

Saint: Is that a good thing?

Julian: I guess? 😮

Saint: I'll go now. Go back to sleep.

Julian: You sure?

Saint: Night, Julian.

Julian: Goodnight, Saint. 😊