Orbits

The rain slips down the classroom roof meeting its demise on the gravel of the dismal school grounds. The solemn tut-tut of the droplets on the roof drown the words of my math's teacher who is currently lecturing us on the art of respect and behavior. My mind drifts off and my eyes slide towards the window I notice how the water is collecting around the leg of one of the benches in a near perfect circle. A circle is the most beautiful shape imaginable, it has no beginning nor end and continues in a monotonous repetition, Just like my life. Every day consists of the same droning tasks, wake up, Get dressed, Go to school, Work, Work, Work, repeat.

It has been 30 Days since I started feeling it. The sadness, the feeling of disconnection it consumes me, It pulls me in like a lasso wrapped around my waste dragging me deeper into an endless circle of sorrow.

"Ok class Homework..." It is nearly time to move on to my next task, my next repetition. Luckily for me, math is my last lesson all this means is that it is time to walk home, to my escape, my room, my books, my place of safety. My route home is a bit of a detour, I need to use the main road and make a circle around my suburb to get home, I like walking even if it's raining. Walking gives me a chance to be away from people, to clear my mind. It's funny really, even though I enjoy the quiet and the ability to clear my mind I feel lonely when I walk. Right now I can't help but think about the purpose of my life. That's what these walks allow me to do, they allow me to think... If you divide the circumference of a circle by its diameter you get a mathematical constant called Pi. This mathematical constant is an irrational, never-ending number. This number contains every possible combination of numbers and follows no pattern. What if my purpose Is just like this number? What if my purpose in Infinite yet unsolvable? definite yet irrational?

It's been 2 weeks since I left her. Even though she is responsible for some of my pain, I can't help but miss her. I miss the feeling of having someone to talk to and knowing that someone trusts me to listen to them. I know why I am sad, I'm sad because I'm lonely, and I know why I am lonely. Even though I have friends and a loving family there is this void, this pit of loneliness, this cavity of disconnectedness that consumes me. I feel like I'm missing a home, a person to feel comfortable around, someone to feel safe around and someone to make life worth living.

What if life is just like the orbit of a planet, peacefully rotating around a star, rotating around its purpose, but it can't come towards it. it can't reach it because there is this constant centrifugal force keeping it in an orbit until either a black hole sucks it out away from its star leading it off course into a never-ending blackness or there's an unexplainable gravitational pull, a person, that pulls this planet closer to its star, to its purpose.

Upon arriving home I get a warm greeting from no one. Just as I close the door my phone vibrates in my blazer pocket demanding my attention. It's my best friend Mia, I immediately answer the call in tears, today has been too much for me. Mia proceeds to calm me down. She's very good at that, at calming me down. Our calls can last for hours and we can talk about the most random things possible all the way to our deepest secrets and most personal feelings. Our call goes on for hours, all the way into the night. She makes me feel loved and cared for, she is like a blanket keeping me warm in the coldness of the world.

I can say that I have found my gravitational pull that whipped me away from the black hole and pulled me closer to my purpose, that pulled me into a new orbital an orbital closer to my meaning.