Can't Fall in Love Without You (Christian Yelich)

9

It had been almost 2 weeks since he had called Travis to come over, but he desperately needed it. It was December 29th. His and Sloane's wedding anniversary. His beautiful Sloane...

He looked over at where Ivy was napping peacefully, now almost 6 weeks old, and just cried. He cried because he missed his wife. Cried because he was starting to forget what her voice sounded like. Cried because her scent was dissipating from the apartment. And, mostly, he cried for Ivy. His Ivy would never know her mother. Never know how much Sloane loved her and awaited her arrival. She'd never know the feeling of gentle kisses on the cheek from her mama. His beautiful daughter didn't deserve this life she'd been unfairly handed.

The knock came while he was staring intently at a picture of Sloane in his arms, a bright smile spread across her beautiful face. He remembered this moment. They were supposed to be focusing on taking magazine-ready photos, and instead Sloane was intent on making sure he laughed.

"Life is too short to be stoic. Plus, your beautiful face can't handle frown lines." The story that resulted in the laugh escaped him, and that brought another wave of crippling pain.

"Christian! I'm worried as hell! Let me in!" Travis was pounding at his door, terrified that he was too late to help.

Christian opened the door and looked up at Travis with bloodshot eyes and hugged him tight. "I miss her. I need her, Travis. I can't... I can't forget her. I'm forgetting her, Travis. What kind of worthless husband forgets his wife?" he cried into Travis' shoulder, calming down slowly as his best friend rubbed his back.

"You'll never forget her, Christian. Never ever. She's always here; just like Jose," he said softly, rubbing his friend's back. "In fact, she's probably with Jose now, teasing the ever loving crap out of you. They're in your heart, okay? You may forget small things, but you will never forget her."

Christian took a deep breath and wiped his eyes. "Thank you for coming over... I know it has been a while but I just... I miss her. I need her today." Travis was in Malibu a year ago. Standing to his right and wiping his shoulder off. He had been there through all of it, which meant he was the only one Christian needed there.

"I know. We're all thinking about her today, bud. It's never an issue to come over here. In fact, Lindy was concerned that she hadn't heard from you in so long. She was convinced that you weren't eating. She told me 'he's already a twig, Travis!' and was about to push me out of the door with a lasagna when you called."

Christian let out a moist laugh, wiping his eyes and nose with his sleeve. "Tell her I'm eating alright," he whispered. "It's very sweet of her to be concerned."

"We all are, Christian. Let's sit. Let's tell stories about Sloane and heal a little bit. It's so much better to remember the good of Sloane than her passing."

Travis was so wise it baffled Christian often.

***

They told the happiest stories about Sloane for an hour until Ivy let out a sad cry. He was good at this, now. He could dad well.

Christian got up and picked Ivy up, gently rocking her and doing all of the calming techniques Elizabeth showed him.

"You're a good dad, Christian," Travis was genuinely stunned, proud of his friend.

"Thank you... I just want to keep my little love happy. She's the world to me," he smiled and gave her a bottle, seeing Travis' eyebrow raise when he saw the container of formula.

"How did you decide on that formula?" It was an extremely top-shelf formula that was known for being the best, but it wasn't well known on google.

"My friend Elizabeth recommended it. She's really good with babies, so when Ivy was struggling with colic, she recommended changing to this one and it worked well," Christian smiled at Ivy as she ate.

"Well I'm glad she does well on it," that was all Travis could really say. He was thrilled that Christian found someone else to rely on during such hard times. He deserved support.

***

Christian cried on and off that night, but by the time New Year's Eve came around, he was feeling much better. He invited Travis and Lindy over and got the confirmation about an hour ago, so he had to do some cleaning. Ivy was fast asleep by 8, which was also about when the familiar gentle knock was heard on his door.

"Hi!" he smiled and let her in, spying the rubbermaid container filled with cranberry-orange sauce. "Oh my goodness Elizabeth! You did not have to make this. Thank you so much," he smiled and put it in his fridge.

"I saw how much you liked it last week and so I thought I'd bring some more. How're you?" she smiled and hung her coat up.

"I'm doing well. I hope you don't mind... A friend of mine from work and his wife are coming tonight. You can hang out on the couch 'til they get here. I have to do some cleaning, and Miss Ivy is already down for the count," Christian smiled and took a drink of his own champagne.

"I can help," she smiled and wiped down counters while Christian mopped and vacuumed.

"In the future I am definitely not letting you, but I am running behind, thank you," he smiled. He had just finished cleaning when Travis and Lindy knocked and Christian let them in, giving Christian a warm hug.

"I'm so happy that you're doing better, Christian. I can't imagine what you're going through," she smiled and kissed his cheek, eyes widening when she locked eyes with Elizabeth.

"Travis, Lindy... This is my friend Elizabeth. She's been so much help with Ivy," Christian introduced them, not knowing that they had already met.

"Thank you for helping him with Ivy," Travis said softly, still staring intently at Elizabeth.

"Speaking of Ivy. I'm going to go change her," Elizabeth smiled a bit and went off to the nursery before Christian could protest, sighing as Travis followed with Ryann.

"Does he know that you're an OBGYN?" Travis raised his eyebrow in question. He could imagine how much that could hurt Christian with Sloane's passing during childbirth. Christian didn't seem to be in any pain around her. The opposite, in fact. He seemed relaxed and happy.

"No. It never really came up in conversation, just like his job never has. I'm just a friend, Mr. Shaw," Elizabeth said softly, kissing Ivy's cheek as she put the babe down.

Travis and Lindy had come into her offices not even a week ago, 8 weeks along with a very healthy pregnancy. She could tell from Christian offering Lindy champagne that he didn't know.

"Let's go back out there. No talk about babies other than Ivy and Ryann," she suggested, relaxing when she saw Travis nod. She didn't know why she was nervous to tell him that, but she just had a sinking feeling.

***

There wasn't much drinking done at the party, in fact, Elizabeth was asleep right around 11:30 pm. She had dealt with a long labor with a mom the previous day, and she was exhausted.

The Shaws left at 12:30 with a hug and a promise from Christian to call more often.

"Christian," Travis said softly as Lindy took Ryann to the car. "Elizabeth seems to really care about you and Ivy. I'm happy that you have a friend like her." Travis gave Christian another hug.

"Yeah... she does. She's an angel, really. She's wonderful with Ivy and always helps calm me and Ivy down. She's a phenomenal friend," Christian smiled and hugged him back. "You take care of Ry and Lindy. I'll see you in a couple weeks at the latest."

When the door closed, he went over to the couch that Elizabeth was lying on and tried to wake her gently to no avail.

He really didn't want her to sleep on the couch. It wasn't the most comfortable, and she seemed so tired...

So he crouched down and gently picked her up, carrying her to his room. She smelled like cranberries and a hint of champagne... it was sweet and calming. Given that it was January in Milwaukee, he laid a heavy blanket over her and checked on Ivy before settling on the couch for sleep.

His last thoughts before he dozed off were how blessed he was to have such amazing friends and support.