Always.

Chapter 5

      I woke up with a major headache. My head thumping with a migraine that was extremely strong. All I remember is that Jahseh showed up again trying to get me to kill myself.

     I groaned. After I came down I was so fucking tired. I made my way over to my house and took the day off from work to sleep in all day. I was wrecked.

      I unplugged my phone that was charging on my nightstand and sat up. I checked my notifications and I had a message from Jenesis.

8:57 PM Jenesis: Hey love! Having a sonogram tomorrow. Would love if you stopped by lol

       I smiled. She wants me around her.

11:27 PM Willow: Hey im so sorry for the late reply I was sleeping. I'd love to come. What time?

11:27 PM Jenesis: 2PM. Just come by the house

11:28 PM Willow: bet. See you there

     I sighed and got up from my bed. I had to get something for this fucking migraine. My head literally was fucking killing me.

      I went into my kitchen and got my bottle of Advil. I popped it open and realized I only had 2 left. I rolled my eyes and popped them in my mouth, swallowing instantly.

     "No water?" Jahseh popped up, sitting on my counter swinging his legs. At this point him showing up wasn't even much of a surprise to me anymore. "Don't need it." I blankly replied, walking passed him, yawning. "You sure? You know it's possible to choke on those little things." He laughed.

     Every time he laughed I admit I felt a pang or pain in my chest. "I'm going to see your baby tomorrow." I spoke, looking at him. He wore his hair differently tonight. Instead of his little ponytails or top bun, he just had one single braid going down the back of his head. It was cute on him though. I loved it.

      "They're gonna name him Gekyume ya know." He said, grinning wildly. "I can't believe I'm gonna be having my own baby." He sighed, looking off as if he had zoned out a bit. "I thought you didn't care." I said, smirking. He rolled his eyes. "Of course I care." He replied, lowering his eyes a bit, as if he were saddened by what I said. But hey I mean they WERE his words weren't they??

      "Gekyume though. It's a great name." I smiled. "I also love Jenesis by the way." I added. He nodded happily. "She's great. But I didn't come here to talk about my family." He sighed.

       "Jahseh, please not again with this kill myself shit. Why do you want me to die so badly!!" I scoffed. "I need you to see the other side of things. I need you here with me Willow. Your mother misses you." He softly explained.

       Now that's what got me mad. The fact that he had the nerve to bring up my mother. "My mother was a drunk and didn't give a damn about me. She killed herself. She's gone now. That's not my fault." I barked. He seemed a bit taken back by my reaction. "Look. All I'm saying is that you don't have that much time left. You need to do it now."

       "I'm not doing shit." I stated. "Now leave Jahseh. For gods sake leave me the fuck alone." I sighed, trying not to let any tears spill.

       "If you won't listen to me maybe you'll listen to my mother." And with that Jahseh disappeared. And I mean that quite literally. He disappeared into THIN. AIR. I mean it made sense but it was also fucking cool.

       "Hi baby." A voice I hadn't heard in years spoke to me. My mother. She stood in front of me. Her hair was tied back into a bun, her skin shone brightly, her cheeks fat and not sullen like they usually were. She wore a yellow shirt with some basic jeans and converse to match. Her signature outfit before she was a drunk and wore the same rotting shorts and white tank top every day. She looked like her old self. Now this is when I couldn't hold anything back anymore. I began to sob uncontrollably.

      "Mommy?" I choked out. She pulled me in for a hug and I was surprised that I could feel her. That I could touch her. That she could touch me. That I could smell her.. I clutched her shirt tightly and sobbed into it. She stroked my hair and shushed me softly and slowly. Something she used to do for me whenever I cried and complained as a child.

      "You have to listen to Jahseh darling. We can't specifically explain why. But you need to." My mom said, her voice a bit muffled because my hair was in her face. I sniffed. Wow.. I really must be crazy. Or maybe I haven't woken up yet and this is all a dream. I hope it is. But I haven't spoken to my mother in forever. I don't care if I looked crazy. I don't care if I was talking to myself in reality. I needed this.

     "Mommy I'm not gonna kill my self. I love you but you're fuckin bugging if you think ima do that shit." I bluntly stated. She pulled my head off her chest and put her hands on my shoulders, giving them a light squeeze. She looked into my eyes and gave me a slight smile. "You've always been so stubborn." She frowned a bit. "It's your strength but it's also your weakness."

      I stayed silent for a moment. "Baby, I don't have much time. I need to go soon." She said, stroking my face gently. Tears welled up in my eyes again. "Mommy. Why'd you kill yourself?" I asked, my breath hitching as I awaited her answer. She closed her eyes and pulled me into her chest again and stroked my hair.

     "I didn't wanna live in a world without you baby." She said and I definitely began crying again. "I love you so much." I choked out. "I love you too baby." And with that,, she disappeared into thin air. Just like Jahseh.

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2 months later.

      The first cries of Gekyume were heard and tears welled up in my eyes. As soon as he came out I started to think of my last "interaction" with Jahseh. For some reason he hasn't spoken to me again after that encounter with my mom. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't add up. Obviously he's shown up. He stands in corners at places. Watching me. He'll wave and then just straight up stare for the rest of the time.

       Jahseh was there. He had the biggest grin on his face watching Gekyume he born as tears of happiness rolled down his face. Jenesis squeezed the hell out of me and Cleo's hand. I couldn't help but cry as soon as he came out. We all cried. I think this made us miss Jahseh more than ever. But we stayed strong obviously.

      I was around Jenesis and his family so much more often and even tho the reminders hurt it was good. It felt like I had a home. Like I had family. After I left Daisy, my dad, and Lance I felt so alone. Daisy is starting high school in a few months and it turns out that my dad was diagnosed with cancer. I've been meaning to call him but I honestly don't think I can stand to lose someone else I love.

    So it was easier to be around them than with him. I didn't want to watch him in pain. Suffering. Jenesis held Gekyume in her arms. Happy as hell.

     In a week I had a brain CT scheduled to see about these hallucinations. I was scared as shit but I was ready. I've been postponing it for months. I couldn't handle any more news but I had to know if something was wrong with me.

     I tried to shake myself out these thoughts and focus on Gekyume. He looked like Jenesis. He was ugly but that's because all newborn babies are ugly, I'm sorry but it's the straight up truth. I don't care, at the same time he was still adorable though.

     I got to hold him. I smelt his head and took in that newborn baby smell. I closed my eyes and took it in. New life. A new beginning. I opened my eyes and kissed the top of his forehead. A new reason to live.
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SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING FOR LIKE.. 2 MONTHS!! I've been totally off my game guys I'm sorry. Hope y'all enjoyed this chapter. I think ima stop at chapter 10. Thank you all for your support deadass. Until next time 💗

-Nara