Poetry and Drabbles

The Aftermath

Cold morning

Familiar tone of my alarm

Eyes on the white ceiling

Feet slightly hanging over the bed

On my bedside table,

A picture

A knot forms

I'm unsure whether I'm supposed to move it

I don't want to

I don't want to forget the things that have happened

But I move it

Subconsciously I play with the ring finger

Until I look down and see it

And once more

I'm unsure

~~

Dark carpeted room,

Cold air coming from the cracked window pane,

Staring at the pink bucket that holds my things

Vicious words repeating in my head

Soft fur and loud meows

Chandler's here, but I'm less excited

Vibrations start in my chest,

Bending over

Head in hands

Disgusting choking sounds

As I try to be quiet

~~

His voice echoing in the classroom

My pencil laying still

She looks over with soft eyes

Wondering if I'll be okay

I'm sure I will

The bell rings

We all rise

And I almost feels as if I've dropped something

In a panic I look to my finger

And then I remember

Soothing hands on shoulders

Soft words that don't meet the ear

As I struggle holding

What I don't want anyone to hear

~~

Loud cafeterias

Slow movements in lines

A woman passes by and my mouth opens to say hi

But she doesn't notice me

Or maybe she does

Maybe you've told her

~~

My bag dropping heavily on to the floor

He won't be home for a while

I sit on the carpet

Quivering lips

I miss you already

~~

“This is bullshit,”

“Relax Hun, it'll probably work out”

“She won't even talk to me!”

“I'm sure she'll come around”

“What.. what does this mean? Am I...? Did I ..?”

“We both know you would never do that, don't view yourself as that”

“But that's what she sees me as right, and all the people she's told?”

“That's only what they been told”

~~

“I dunno, I'm upset that she didn't talk to me first but went to other people instead of the person she had a problem with”

“You guys never did a good job at talking”

“But this is different, we both have a past dealing with that type of stuff”

“Yeah, I guess you're right”

“Yanno when I first saw her I never saw her in my future, she was just a girl I thought was beautiful, and when he asked me if I liked her I was pleasantly surprised,”

“Ah yes he set you two up, and she returned the favor with him and I”

“She is a matchmaker isn't she”

And my admiring smile comes up again

“Hey guys sorry to interrupt, I know you're having a conversation. But I was wondering if you check this photo album see if I used the same photo twice,” And she hands us her phone and Alice looks through it but I'm only staring at your picture, with a red circle by it. And I know, although my conversation was harmless, it'll come back to haunt me. And it has.

~~

Steady movement of the car

I look down at my phone to see a missed call

My heart rate climbs as I fumble

“One minute gram I have to take care of something”

And then the ding from my phone

“We need to talk.”

And my heart drops but it raises to because maybe this is my chance to tell you my proof that I didn't do it like you thought I did

Angry words from you

And suddenly I'm angry.

Who the hell do you think you are, you don't want to talk to me to fix this but you'll talk to me to threaten me over a harmless conversation between two friends? We were admiring you!

Angry words

And I wish I took the time to send my explanation instead.

~~

Gagging over a toilet

It's been maybe a week

But it felt like forever

My stomach is knots

“I'm so nervous”

“Fuck Alice please”

“Jesus Christ what if I run into her?”

“Fucking butterflies are evil”

“Hun, she's not going to be there, you're going to do fine, and i doubt someone is going to rob you. I'll buy all the sushi and come to you with coupons”

Virtual laughs

~~

I arrive at the store, and go to the break room, so far no sign of you, and my tense muscles relax slightly.

Videos for a while and then when I finish I hear your voice, scurry down to an checkout as I tag along and hope to God you go out the entrance.

You are going to the exit and i completely tense

Don't look, I tell myself. But I saw you in the aisle and I thought “awe my best friend is so fucking cute”

And then I remembered we aren't friends anymore

And I'm handling this worse than you are.