Pause (Published)

Chapter 26: Dismantle & Recover

Jay hauls me back with his sudden strong grip on my arm, "Aqueela wait. That came out wrong."

I turn to him, offering him my time of day to hear him out. "Sure did." I agree, nodding my head profusely, still offended. How dare he tell me that I'm not one of them! Okay so I'm not. But how dare he tell me that!

Jay glances down at me with a less harsh gaze, one that had softened incredibly so, his blue eyes forcing me to freeze in place, "It's just that...that nickname, JT, a lot of bad people from my past used it. It's just a reminder of everything I've done wrong in life. Stuff I'm trying to forget and move on from. Sure the people here at the tracks use it as my racing name and at first it irritated the hell out of me but I grew use to it. But you Aqueela...I can't grow use to you using it because you shoudn't be associated with the past. Right now, you're the present. I guess you're just better. By using that nickname it kind of defeats the entire purpose. You're better than all these people.You shouldn't have to call me JT when you can just use my name. You're suppose to better than them...you know? You're always suppose to be better." he tries to explain and even though I have no idea at what the heck he's trying to get at, I just go with the flow and nod absentmindedly to get him to stop rambling. It's getting me too flustered. You can't just go around telling people that they're better and not expect a reaction.

"I understand." I say, obviously lying.

Unfortunately Jay knows me all too well by now. He grumbles a few curses beneath his breath before facing me again, "You don't understand at all do you?" 

I let out a relieved breath and shake my head, "Nope. Not a freaking clue."

"Why must you always be so dam difficult?" Jay asks rhetorically.

I take the pleasure of answering anyways, "Because difficult is better. Didn't you say so yourself just now." I grin playfully, enjoying seeing him get annoyed at me as usual. I swear I can never get bored with Jay.

"No." he breathes, "What I was getting at is that to me you're always going to be better than the people who refer to me as JT. It's a crap nickname for a crap past. I'm new and reformed now. I'm Jay. And you...you as one of the better people in my life should refer to me by the new and reformed me. So please Aqueela, it's just Jay to you, especially you. Only you. Because you matter."

I fall silent at his words, caught off guard. I see from where it is that he's coming and I understand. I feel honored that Jay considered me to be better than all his other friends. In fact, for once, I feel content in the fact that he hates me calling him JT because I finally understand why. 

Jay moves forward, a puzzled expression on his face as his eyes take me in as if inspecting me. He raises a questioning eyebrow as he looks into my eyes with a small smirk pulling at the corners of his lips, "Are you seriously blushing right now?"

And that's when I realize that I am. I'm quick to slap my hands against my cheeks to feel that they are in fact ridiculously hot. As if this couldn't get nay less embarrassing. Thanks a lot charming Jay, you bloody idiot! I need a safe clause and so I do what I do best. I begin laughing aloud at him, waving the matter off, "What?" I ask between fake hysterical laughter, "Me blushing? Because of you?" I ask, taking a breath before laughing out my stomach again, "That's rich. Pshaw. Nah uh." I defend myself,  "It's just the weather. It's really hot out and-"

"It's freezing Aqueela. Look around." Jay interrupts with an amused smile as he motions to the grey sky and cool wind gently tossing my hair around. "Hence your coat and boots." He reminds me, raking over my appearance from head to toe rather slowly, leaving me with a swarm of butterflies.

"Well maybe it's just me then." I shrug, meaning that it's me getting hot with all the extra warm clothes on, trying to come up with some kind of excuse.