[JESSIE J & CHANNING TATUM FANFIC] "TEMPORARILY"

CHAP 42: ALICIA FANSHER, THE HAUNTER OF CHANNING'S HEART AND MIND

"What do you wanna talk about, babe?"

I don't know and don't care about what you're gonna write next to be honest. Cos you can just write on and on a lot of nonsense stuff and I would definitely keep reading and even re-reading it until we could ultimately meet each other again.

"Wanna talk about Alicia Fansher?"

All of a sudden, he suggested that and I swear to God my jaw was dropped to my boobs after reading that part.

Really? Is he really gonna talk about her now? Over a letter?

But isn't it one of the most difficult things for him to share with someone else though? If it is that hard to talk about, then why is he deciding this is the time to finally tell me?

"I'm telling you this because you deserve to hear every single thing that impact on my life negatively or positively, because you're not only a part of my life but you mean this whole fucking life to me so I decided to tell you about this. And I apologise that I cant talk through this out loud verbally when there were a lot of times you asked me out it, and even until now, I still cant, and have to borrow a stupid paper and a pen to write it out instead. I'm sorry that I am so weak and let this weakness makes you feel insecure about my past. I'm so sorry, Jessica. I have never meant to hide anything from you, it's just that this shit is real hard to be stored in my own head already, let alone actually have to be talked and shared to other people. I'm sorry, baby. I deeply extremely am sorry if me not sharing about Alicia ever hurt you or made you feel unsafe."

I know it's hard, I know cos I've been through it. And just to be clear here that I didn't ask him for so many times only because I was curious about this Alicia girl, I honestly had lost interest in her for months. I just kept on asking him to please spill me some lipton because I wanted him to know that I really wanna know about him and really wanna involve in his life as a life-time partner. I asked to show him that I do care very much about whatever the hell has happened to him, did happen to him and will happen to him. And I know telling about someone that we don't really wanna talk about and mentioning someone's name that can literally break our heart into pieces and can bring back to us all of those nightmares that started causing the day they left us is fucking terrible. I know all of those hurtful shit so it's ok if he keeps the story about that girl from me forever. I got it, I totally understand it.

"Where should I start? I don't even know. It literally feels like it's been centuries since the last time I talked about her."

I could picture a hurtful smile on his handsome face the moment he wrote out those words. He didn't have to do this for me at all. He just didn't have to torture himself at all. What a silly man my hubby is!

"I'm not crying, don't worry baby. It's totally fine, I'm fine. I ain't losing any more tears for that woman, I'm tryna save it for our wedding day, baby."

I found his stupid joke funny but why was I tearing up?

Baby, Hubby Tatum, I love you, I fucking love you so fucking much, baby.

"Before I start this hard shit for the first time since forever, I need to make something clear before I accidentally make you misunderstand anything and everything about my heart and my faith which entirely and honestly belong to you, before I abruptly fuck up your trust because I may say some dumb shit that would somewhat fuel your anger.

The thing is I love you way too much for having more room in my heart to fill in someone else. I'm over this girl a long time ago, baby. Hope you can trust me on this please because I would never ever lie to you OR cheat on you mentally and physically.