I am much older now then I was then. 16 years old. I do what I am supposed to do at my age. I wake up before the sun with dry eyes and a nearly empty mind.
I go to school, and I try not to look miserable, or horrible, or terribly uninterested in everything that is going on around me.
And it is like I am in slow motion. I see people hugging, and I see people laughing. I see one person and an empty table, and I see one person and broken earbuds. I see me, but I am not really there.
I don't wonder about things as much as I used to.
I see people everywhere, and I see people together, and I see me, and I see myself alone.
The only thing that I wonder about is people wondering about me, or maybe one person wondering about me. Thinking about me. Seeing me.
I don't worry about things. I have set it up that way. I don't try hard because I don't want to worry about having to try harder. I don't do my schoolwork, and I haven't since the ninth grade. People stopped telling me I was bright, that I had potential. My mother doesn't ask about classes anymore, and my father follows the way of my mother. Ever has, since she found out about him and the other woman.
I thought that it would be nice to have even one person, but imagine being able to string two. I guess he knew what he was doing. I still hate him.
