Dear Cancer,I love you

From F**k you to I love you.

You know that look that people give you when they find out something bad has happened to you. That sorrowful and forgiving look?And then they tell you to stay strong and look up and all the other bullshit.Well my parents and I have been getting that look for approximately 18 years 20 minutes 31....32...33 seconds of my whole existence.
Yeah if you haven't guessed it I just turned 18 and I would like to say I'm living the life but I'm not.Theres nothing a cancer ridden,Stick boned,cough in my face and I would probably die 18 year old can do in my shoes.Now that I'm 18 I can legally buy chewing Tabacco but I like my teeth and my gums I always thought they where they best part of me.I can also vape but I need what's left of my lungs so I say "Bye Felica" to the juul.I can also legally go to "Big Boy" jail,But "I'm to pretty for jail"my mom says. So in reality there's nothing I can do besides celebrate another birthday in my hospital room. I've been in this room my entire life and memorized every crack and crevasse. If you move a picture on my wall of a bunch of puppies you will find a small craving of 3 letters I've lived by my entire life FUC.
I know you guys are all wondering what FUC means. If you guessed Fun usually Crazy,you guessed wrong and also described my sister.It actually means "Fuck you Cancer". I remember the exact day I carved that in the wall. I had my second chemo therapy and my hair had just started to fall out. You remember when you were a little kid and you had that special blanket.You know the one you took everywhere with you,if your blanket went into the washing machine you would sit out side the machine, waiting for your blanket to be clean so you could be reunited with it.
Yeah....that's how I felt with me hair.My hair was my life I would literally sit and come my hair for hours and make sure there was absolutely no knots in it.Then I would put these cute little clips in my hair that matched my outfit. Once all of my hair had gone I had carved those words into the wall.At my age I was so mad at my disease and I wanted nothing to do with it. How could this disease take me hair,weaken my immune system, make me feel sad all the time. How could this little disease make my lose my self esteem and make myself not recognized myself in the mirror.
My mother always told me "Bald is Beautiful"but really? How many bald models do you see out there,bald famous people?The closest I get to a bald famous person was Mr.Clean. Ever since I turned 18 I've had a new prospective on life.If I've lived with cancer for 18 years I think I can live with it the rest of my life.Might as well love it.