Love Of My Life

80

I'm all for these Cardboard Ben videos. I think they're hilarious. I think my favorite was when Joe did the BAB dance with him. Although I did like the video of us trying to buckle Cardboard Ben in a car when we were in Japan. But this latest video was so extra. Everything about it was so weird and sexual but I loved it. That's one of my best friends and my boyfriend and honestly I love how they just don't care what anyone thinks. Sure they do it for the fans, but they ignore all the negative comments and I love that about them so much. 

"Aria's just jealous she wishes she had a relationship with Ben like I do," Joe says. 

"Yet who's holding Ben's hand right now?" I ask, raising my hand to show show how it's conjoined with Ben's. But Joe raises his hand too and sure enough it is grasping Ben's other hand. I'm so done. 

The four of us proceed inside and take our seats. I sit in between Ben and Lucy. I felt bad separating the cast, but they insisted I sit with them. 

I feel my nerves picking up as the night wears on. I don't know why. I have no reason to be this nervous. I think it's the reaction of everyone that's getting me. What if they don't approve of me getting this award? What if my speech flops? What if I trip walking up on stage? My mind is so full of anxiety ridden questions that I can barely focus on anything happening, or any of the speakers. 

I tune in briefly when Barbara Broccoli comes on stage. She hasn't even said anything yet, but I know it's happening. I squeeze Ben's hand hard, like I'm about to give birth. 

"Each year, we recognize outstanding contribution to cinema," Barbara says into the microphone. Lucy grabs my other hand, knowing what's coming. "This year we recognize someone who has gone above and beyond this year, not because of her name but because of her dedication and passion to creating a beautiful work of art. She took on the task of directing Bohemian Rhapsody, and dedicated herself to producing and editing the film. But not only did she accomplish all this, she also dedicated herself to coaching the actors within the film so they could portray their characters as accurately as possible. 

"We chose to recognize Aria Song Mercury this year of her hard work and dedication to cinema this year to bring music to life," 

A screen on stage comes to life and a movie onstage begins to play. Videos that I didn't even know were being filmed play of the whole production process of Bohemian Rhapsody. Video of me coaching Rami, videos of me in interviews talking briefly about everything, videos of the cast and crew talking about me, videos of me directing, and of course videos of me perfecting everyone on their performance. I think my favorite highlight is a video from Rami and I on the Live Aid set performing together in unison so we can go step by step what to do. 

When the video ends, I'm amazed by how good it looks. Not to sound conceited, but I guess I just didn't realize how much work I actually put into this. It felt like nothing because of how much I loved it and because of all of the amazing people I've met. 

"Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome this years recipient of the outstanding Contribution to British Cinema Award, Aria Mercury," Barbara says. 

Bohemian Rhapsody plays through the theater catching me off guard. I love hearing that song. 

I immediately lean over and give Ben a small kiss. I'm overwhelmed with people applauding that I nearly stumble coming out of the row. I give Joe, Gwil, Lucy, and Rami hugs on my way out, followed by Graham, Jim, Brian and Rog. Then I walk to stage, shaking a couple peoples hands on my way. On stage I hug Barbara and she gives me the BAFTA award.

"Wow," I breathe into the microphone. I take a deep breath, clearing my head so I can speak. I reach into my dress pocket and pull out my speech. Luckily I wrote it down. "When I first found out I was receiving this award, I was in shock," I read, looking up occasionally. "There are so many talented people in this room so to be up here right now is an absolute honor,"

I look up and catch Ben's eye. I have everything written out, but something is pulling me from it. I slowly crumple up my speech and just look out to the audience. 

"I came on to Bohemian Rhapsody originally as a favor. I never thought I would become as invested as I did," I say. "I fell completely and utterly in love with it. 

"Bohemian Rhapsody has been a work in the making for years. At first I was wary. Talking about my father is very personal for me, and I didn't want to be involved in the movie for selfish reasons. But that never truly sat right with me. As time went on, I fought for what I believed in. I took over directing the film after a couple of weeks. I produced it and I sat and edited it for months until I was completely satisfied and content with the finished product. I know during times, my father was watching over me and approving of everything I fought for. He would have done the same. 

"I want to thank Graham King and Jim Beach of course, for having faith in me and for being there by my side this entire time. I had very little idea of what I was doing in the beginning, but you taught me and guided me and for that I owe you everything. 

"I want to thank my lovely cast and crew. Without you, this film wouldn't have been what it was. You all deserve to be recognized. 

"Specifically I want to thank Tom Hollander, Mike Myers, Aiden Gillen and Aaron McCusker for your outstanding performance and for adding to the magic of the film. 

"And of course this next group of people I want to acknowledge, I am now proud to call some of my best friends. You have been my rocks since we began this journey and I couldn't ask for a greater group of individuals. Gwilym Lee, Joe Mazzello, Lucy Boynton, and Allen Leech. You're all so so amazing and oh my God I can't want to hug you all after this," I laugh. "Ben Hardy,"

I take a breath and look out to meet his eyes. "I never expected to find love on set. You are my love, and my partner in crime. Thank you for being you," I can just barely make out Ben's smile. 

"And of course, Rami Malek you took on a role not many others would do and you are the only person who could own it like you did. I saw something special in you from the beginning. I still do. I was relentless with you because I knew you were going to do great things. Every hand movement, every vocal lesson, every eye motion was trained and you did a beautiful job. Throughout this experience I found myself considering you my long lost brother. Thank you for just everything," 

I sigh slightly. "Of course I want to thank Mary Austin, Jim Hutton, Kashmira Cooke, Jer and Bomi Bulsara for all of your love and support throughout my life," I stop and feel myself starting to get emotional. 

"And lastly I want to thank Queen," 

The audience cheers and I look out to Brian and Roger. 

"Dr. Brian May, and Roger Taylor - you are my family and have helped raise me and support me during my whole life. You, alongside, John Deacon and Dad, have created something beautiful. You're inventive and authentic and not afraid to be yourself. You all have inspired me so so much in everything I do," I continue. I take a deep breath and prepare myself for the shameless promo. I look out directing this to the audience. "Music has been a part of my life for years. I've always loved it, but I struggled with losing Dad for years. I still do. But recently, thanks to my experience with Bohemian Rhapsody, I've decided to follow my heart. I refuse to let the nerves take over. Alongside me, Rufus Taylor, Jimmy May, and Luke Deacon are coming together to form our own band. Queen 2.0 if you will," I laugh, as does the audience. "Heirs to the throne, as Rufus put it. Heirs is a band for the past, present and future and we look forward to continuing our own journey soon," 

The audience cheers and I smile. The reaction I wanted. 

"Now I was young when my dad died," I continue when the audience calms down. "But I remember one thing that he always used to tell me. 'You can be anything you dream of, darling. Just think of it, and you can be it'. I hold those words with me as I enter my music career, and I held them with me all throughout the production of Bohemian Rhapsody. If I doubted myself, I remembered those words and felt instantly comfortable.

"Freddie Mercury always wanted to bring a smile to peoples faces. That made everything worthwhile to him," I smile, feeling dad's presence next to me. It's almost as familiar as that day I saw him when he slipped me that note. 

"And he did just that," I say, wrapping up my speech. "All I wanted to do with this movie was bring a smile to people's faces. I put my all into it, and I'll continue to put my all into everything else I do in the future. I dedicate this award to my father. Freddie Mercury didn't want to be a rockstar- he wanted to be a legend. 

"And I vow to keep his legacy alive,"