A Short Rope

Chapter 1

Thoughts swirl in my head. A piece of paper lays out in front of me, as I narrate my actions. A selfish thing that I quite often do. I never could figure out why. Maybe it is just my airheaded ways. Or maybe it's the false caringness people say I have even though I don't. I mean what proof do they have that I am nice. I choose to work alone on this project. Only helping myself and no other, but maybe that is kind. Is it kind though? To not let people work with a load of garbage that never wins. Could be. Could be that this rubric in my sweaty palms is the opposite of me. An antonym. Something that is cruel and repulsive. A thing that I hate, but what if the rubric and I aren't antonyms. What if we are both mean and dumb and stupid and bad and ugly and fat and extra and picky and selfish. Yes, selfish that is what I am. A selfish person holding a selfish rubric in a selfish world with selfish people and selfish everything.
For once you are right.
Shut up. No one asked you.
That's Cruel.
Stop.
No.
Yes.
Go back to your work. Dumb-ass.
I start violently shaking my head. All the thoughts mixing and combining. My friends looking over to see if I am okay. In truth I am okay. Sorta. I think I am okay at least. I know I am mentally stable. I mean no one has told me otherwise, so I should listen to them. The experts. ENOUGH of the talk. I have to get back to work. I look down at the piece of paper. Words taint its purity. A rubric specifying how I will be judged. It scares me. Terrifies me.
I try and pry myself away from my thoughts. My work is more important. I finally look away from the rubric. The other horrifying paper now standing in the spotlight. The planning sheet. Something that takes ideas, which I have none of. I don't have anything I could do for my project. So bullshitting is the route, even though this is a super important and high-class competition. I guess it doesn't really matter anyway. It's not like I will win. I never win. Maybe it's because of my unoriginality. Or the way I talk. Maybe hear. What about the look? Selfishness? No... Oh! It is because i'm average. Yup, as average as vanilla ice cream. The only difference is I don't get attention because I am boring. And boring doesn't really get you anywhere. It gets me a well-rounded person with little talent. I guess that's alright though. Alright. It's alright. More alright then my dumb project. Right. The project. Back to project number 3. Idea... I lost count. It didn't matter anyway. Matter. What does matter though? Hmmm, something that matters.
Helping! That matters. It matters a lot actually because without help you can't do anything. Right? I mean I am not going to have any help on this project but that is beside the point. Imaginary is a thing. I will just create friends. Nice friends. This is getting off of topic.
Yes, thinking is distracting you.
You turned this happy conversation into madness.
Does that even make sense? The answer is no.
Yes, it does. Now leave me alone.
Why? you don't control me. Oh, wait. You do.
...
I quickly pulled out my phone; a black cord dangling from the headphone jack. Unlocking the slow phone, I pulled up my favorite song, plugged the music playing device into my ears and started to focus. Helping could turn into volunteering. I could figure out a way to get more people to help the community. Involving school should work. Maybe uploading a post. Ooh, what about my stuffed animals. I don't have to talk to them or anything. Perfect.
My eyes suddenly kill the overloading thoughts, as they go to look at the time. The mystically looking parts somehow congratulating me on making it through another school day. School the udder disaster in my life. It never really tried to kill me, but somehow managed to destroy me. Destroy everything I have worked for. It is not the only thing though. Just one of the many things. Things that I hope will solve themselves. Because if they don't. Well, then I don't know what I would do.

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Hello there readers and welcome to new book. This book is going to be really depressing. I hope you enjoy.
-the author