The Jacqueline Chronicles: End Of An Era

I: Tear Drops

I couldn't believe it was true. The words slipped out of her mouth like it was nothing. Her expression showed no remorse. As if her and I meant nothing this whole time. I knew she had loved her at some point but her motionless expression was making me doubt myself. I knew the words were true when I got a phone call moments after the news.

"You hear?" My sister said over the bad signal.

"Just now. Momma told me just now," I said back to her. 

"Just now? Rob... It's been days since it happened? I got out of camp a few minutes ago and finally got some signal," She said in a panicked tone.

I could feel my hands tremble in a weak fit, holding back the tears, anger, and emotions. I looked over my shoulder back at Momma, who continued to drink her wine and watch her television show.

"She told me just now. I had no idea," I said drifting into a dark space of mind, unable to tell reality from fantasy.

"Is this a dream?" I said aloud to myself.

But this was no dream at all. This was the only reality I had known and it felt like the whole world was about to uncover even more than it had before. Not only did my Momma not care about the news, she waited days to tell me it. She had the nerve to laugh while watching TV, while I was on the phone getting the worst news of my life. I laid in bed all night hearing the sounds of Momma laughing and clinking dishes all night, laughing and talking on the phone. I kept hearing the words from Momma's mouth over and over again, like a record on repeat. Only the record was never going to break, stop, or change. I was stuck in an internal hell and I couldn't bring her back. I started to fall into a deep sleep when I heard Momma at the door.  

"Jac is dead, get over it," She slurred her words as she slammed my door shut.

She was right, but she had no right.

My mother was dead, and so was I.

                                                                                          ~

It had been a few years since I had gotten the news of my mothers death. It took me different stages until I finally had come to terms with the reality of what had happened. Most days after her death I'd just sit around and feel the tear drops fall down my dark skin, the skin my mother had once caressed and kissed and loved so much. I had gone through so much with so little empathy that I had become slowly numb to the situation. I finally had decided to take the next step and open the forbidden paper.