The holes in my sweater - krii7y

chapter 2

A few warnings!!
Very sad feelings
Depression like?
Mentioning of Cutting
Just overall a mess

Why do I do this too my boy
Put on the song if you want to get in the mood

John. Kryoz.

Unsteady breath, shaking hands, painful chest, dizzy, headache, stomachache. Everything hurts so much.

John holds himself up at the sink, hands tightly around the cold stone. He tries to calm himself and focus on his breath while holding his eyes closed tightly. Finally after a bit his body calmed down and john opened his eyes only to be meet by a sink covered in dried blood drops. He sighs sadly and turns on the water and starts scrubbing them off. The young male looks up at the mirror seeing his reflection looking back.

He looked terrible. Huge bags underneath his eyes letting it look he hasn't slept for months which he indeed hadn't, hair looking unwashed and messy, eyes dull and sad, overall a mess. God did he hate that stupid face of his. John bit his lip and shook his head, moving away from it and walked into his bedroom, sitting down on his bed. His head found a way into his hands. John knew what he was doing wasn't the right way but he'd feel bad to go ask help or tell his friends about his self hate. He was always alone in his house except for his dog who accompanied him other than that he could just lay here on the ground and die and nobody would care or notice.

Well...

His friends would be they didn't know about his situation, not even Jaren.

Jaren...

God bless he had him. It was the only way to distract himself. Just by talking to him he already forgot about his feelings and enjoyed the talks they had.

John felt the smile that creeps up his lips and felt onto his back. He let's out a long meaningful sigh. The male knew he was falling for the other but he always been trying to hold it back, because who would like a fuck up like him? Practically nobody. Yes he had thousands of fans who cared but they only knew his internet sona kryoz, not the real john. Nobody would like him.
Especially not a boy like Jaren. He should be happy he already saw him as a friend.

Which he was, but fuck he hated how his stomach caught butterflies as soon as he heard Jaren laugh or seeing him smile. He missed their meetings and how they would hug tightly, saying no homo after every gay shit they did but end up in giggle fits.

John felt his smile grow and his stomach turn at the memories. Yet he stopped himself immediately. Jaren wasn't even gay and even if he was, john had no change. Nobody could like an idiot like him.

John stays laying like this, arms starting to feel less sore and his breath steady again.
He hated how thinking about his memories of him and Jaren calmed him down. It just felt wrong.

"Why am I like this? I can't keep going like this" the bleached haired boy muttered and sat up.
He grabbed his phone, taking a deep sigh before pushing in Jarens number.

He had to end this.

"Hello?"

Jarens soft but tired and confused voice hits johns ears. That only made him smile lightly.

"Hey man." He could feel his hands tremble.
"John! What's up?" Jaren suddenly sounds way more awake
"Oh you know, not much just living brother. But i didn't call you for that."
"What is it then?"
John could hear Jaren sit up. He took a deep breath and exhaled. "So uh I've been thinking, is it alright if I come over for a day or such? I mean it's been a while since we met up so yeah"
"Of course! I'd love to see you man! It really has been a while geez. But you sure you want to come to Canada? It's fucking cold here"
He chuckles and smiled "dude it's not as if I come naked or something, I can dress myself warm and shit"
"I'm disappointed john, I would've expected you naked."
"Dude that's gay"
"Like you"
"You bet"
"Wait what?"
"Anyways, I'll try getting a ticket for tomorrow, I'll text if I get it. Bye bye milk bag"
He got a snicker and could practical feel Jarens smile through the phone making him smile as well.
"Sure thing vape lord, can't wait to see you. Laterz baybee"

John hung up and lays his phone aside.

Did that just happen?

Sad boy hours
~lia