RESTRAINT.
it made her feel distressed when a sudden bombshell was suddenly dropped on her, as sudden epiphany dawned upon her friend's face; upon coming to the conclusion that they both liked the same guy. however, this was not the treatment which she expected from such a long time friend of hers. no.
she didn't expect to be sent a poem, addresssing her about how she had betrayed her friend about liking the same guy. she was appalled. of course, she could understand the mutual hurt that her friend possibly felt at this current moment but, did she really have to refer to her as a traitor? as far as she was concerned, regardless of her being aware that she and her friend liked the same guy from way back then—she did nothing to sabotage her. in fact, she listened to every little rant she would go along about him, considering that she was and is her friend.
no matter how much it hurt, she had to endure it—as it was always engraved deeply in her brain, that she should care more about her friends and their feelings instead of just herself. but it seemed like they didn't share the same mentality at all.
the only person her friend ever cared for is herself.
she was a selfish bitch. an obnoxious brat who put herself first before others, and would not hesitate in degrading somebody—whether it be her friend or an enemy, or simply a stranger. it made her sick that she was friends with her, after seeing how she truly is at this given moment. her insides seemed like it wanted to barf from just the thought of remaining with somebody who holds themselves in such high regards.
her heart was already hammering against her chest, desperately screaming: JUST LET GO. but since this is her friend, she hesitated. after all the years and the fun times they've spent together, she still found it difficult to find her unattractive. even if she held herself at such a high pedestal, this poor loser just couldn't hate her.
she is her friend. somebody who she regrets meeting. somebody who she despises—but simply cannot hate or throw away. why? because they're friends. hard to think that she'd be willing to throw her off the stage just because of a newcomer. it made her want to just crawl at a corner and die.
why did things have to be this way? why did she have to be so stubborn despite her brain and her entire. fucking. body. telling her to just let go. why was she so willing to say: I'LL ENDURE IT FOR A LITTLE BIT LONGER. to someone who isn't even worth it?
curling up in her bed, the unnamed woman hugged her knees to her chest—tears finally falling and wetting the bed with its salty goodness. her heart ached like a bitch. she wanted to scream, yell and ask what was wrong with her. why did things have to turn out like this?
she wanted to pull her goddamn hair off her scalp while chanting: WHY? why did things have to turn out like this? this ravenette didn't ask for this to happen. this individual never asked to be made.
she never asked to grow up.
she never asked for things to be this way.
all she wanted was to have a fufilling life.
instead, she gets this bullshit.
she gets her childhood robbed off of her, suffered endless torment, lost her friends more than twice already, made some enemies and had someone she trusted to turn on her for a fucking guy which just came on to their lives.
now you may wonder, who is this girl, exactly? why do we care about her story? why do YOU know her story? well, dear people.
she is me.
