Black Tears

four

Four sunrises have occurred since the one that I saw from Dally's embrace. Of course, Dally hasn't said anything to Johnny about our moment. Dally and I haven't spoke much in the past few days. I've been staying with the Curtises since the boys found me in the club. They're afraid if they leave me alone I'll try and go back. I don't want to go back, but the thought of not getting money still terrifies me. I want a life for Johnny and I. And in the world we live in, without money there is no future.

"You okay?" Sodapop asked and I realized there was a tear running down my cheek.

"Uh," I started as I quickly wiped it away. "Yeah, just thinking."

He looked at me as if he was waiting on me to continue, but I didn't have anything else to say. I was just concerned and as great of a guy as Sodapop is there isn't anything he can do about my situation. He sat down on the couch next to me.

"I know you and Johnny don't got a great home life. I wish you did, but I guess there is always something off about life. But we would all like you to stay here and we want you to get a good job," he said as comforting as he possibly could.

"And what about Johnny? He just gonna stay in the lot?" I questioned angry. Not as Sodapop of course, just at my situation.

"He can stay here too."

I wanted to be mad, but Sodapop's innocence and sincerity was too uplifting. I smiled at him and as nice as the offer was, I knew there was no way I could do that to them.

"You boys have taken great care of my brother and me for the last few days. But I need to find another job and I need to find a place to stay. One of us can stay here at a time, but we can't both move in. I can't do that to Darry," I explained and Soda nodded sadly. He knew I was right. Things were already too chaotic as they were for Darry.

"So what are you gonna do?"

"I'm going to see a friend about staying with her. And I know a place where I can look for a job, a safe job." He grinned and I reassured him and made sure to put the emphasis on safe.

"all right. Just know our door is always open." I smiled at him.

"Thank you, Sodapop. I really appreciate it." He smiled back and then made his way back to his room as I began to leave.

I was planning on going to see Jennifer at first. But somehow my feet found themselves at Buck's front door. I wanted to see Dally. I wanted to ask him if he meant what he said or if it was just a moment of weakness. I must have stood at the door for a good five minutes before I finally got the courage to knock. I heard footsteps approach the door and my stomach began to fill with the familiar feeling of butterflies. Dally opened the door and my face turned a deep red when I saw him not wearing a shirt.

"What's up, kid?" I looked down at my feet to avoid him seeing the blush on my face. I did not succeed however. He chuckled at me, but I just kept looking down.

"Come inside, Lil." I slowly stepped inside and saw all of the empty beer cans and trash spread out around the place. I looked around and just took in my surroundings. That was a habit of mine, but this didn't take long. I knew why I was here.

"Did you even mean it?" I asked turning around to face him.

He licked his lips and looked off to the side. I knew this was a tough situation but I at least needed to know what was going on. I deserved that.

"Dally," I asked walking to him. I turned his face toward me. I wanted him to look at me because I swear on my life when he did I was fearless. "Do you want me?"

"Yes," he whispered pulling me close to him.

"Then kiss me," I commanded and he obeyed.

His lips crashed into mine quickly and his hands quickly found my hips. I got high off the way he made me feel. I wasn't a scared little girl who got beat by her parents. I was brave and confident and I liked who he made me. The kiss escalated and he began to walked me toward the staircase and without ever letting go of each other we made our way to his room. As soon as we enters he shut the door behind us and pressed me against it. I knew if I didn't pull away now, I wouldn't be able to later. I loved who I was when I was with Dally, but I also had little control around him as well and that scared me enough to bring me back to reality.

"Dal," I whispered pulling away. We were out of breath and he looked at me so intently it could have killed me right then and there.

"Do you want to be with me?" I asked and he smirked and tried to kiss me again. 

"No, Dally. Do you want to be with me or do you just want to be with me like this?" I asked again but this time clarifying myself. 

"Lilly, I want you," he said but then walked away from me. He sat down and shook his head. "But I don't want you to fall in love with me."

"Why not?" I tried to grab his hand but he pulled away from me. 

"I'm not that guy." He still wasn't looking at me. Just staring straight ahead at the wall in front of us.

"You could be. People change," I said cheerfully but this didn't make matters any better.

"I don't want to change Lilly!" He yelled and stood up. He turned back and looked at me. "I shouldn't have to change, man! I am who I am!" 

I sat quietly afraid to speak. I hated making people upset and I had upset Dally in a way I couldn't take back. I didn't want him to change. I liked Dally for who he was. I loved his fearless and reckless manner and I wanted him. All of him and all the time. I stood up and walked over to him. I gently put both of my hands on the side of his face and I watched his eyes soften when they met mine. 

"You don't have to change." He quickly kissed me. Not like our kiss before. This one was sweet and reassuring. 

"You're not going to fall in love with me, okay?" 

"Okay," I agreed and he grinned at me. I couldn't help but grin back. He kissed me again and then hugged me and gently brought his mouth to my ear.

"You're my girlfriend," he whispered.

"Okay."