I Just Loved Again

IJLA 1 - Coming Home

Tumango siya. "I mean, I don't want to. Pero pinipilit nina mama e."

Ilang beses na siyang nakipagtalo sa mga magulang niya. She even fought with Hans because he sided with them. Inaalala lang naman niya si Ken. What would Ken feel if he saw Ahn again? He might feel betrayed.

"I don't want her on my wedding, ma!" sabi niya sa ina, a few months ago.

"Iya, don't be like that," saway nito sa kanya.

"She broke Ken's heart!" she said indignantly.

Her mom's face softened. "Iya, she was young. Maybe she was confused back then. People expected her to just say yes to your brother. Hindi mo ba naisip na baka noong mga panahon na yun, napipilitan lang sya? That she might be pressured into agreeing with everyone else?"

"Why are you taking her side?" takang-tanong niya sa ina. "Ken's your son!"

"I know! But I've been through the same thing. I know what it's like to be a disappointment in everybody's eyes when I turned your ninong down!"

Napamaang siya sa sinabi nito.

"And maybe this is my karma. Maybe Ken's meant to pay for whatever I did in the past," pagpapatuloy nito. "And as much as I want to hate Ahn, I can't. Kasi alam ko yung pakiramdam ng napipilitan. And I hate that feeling."

After that talk, she had no choice but to give Ahn an invitation to the wedding. Galit pa rin siya rito. Nothing can change the fact that she made Ken miserable. But somehow, what her mom said gave the story another perspective.

Maybe Ahn was simply too young. Maybe she did get pressured. Maybe it wasn't the right time for them yet. A part of her hoped that the two will be reconciled. Ang problema nga lang, Aubrey came into the picture. Now, she's torn between the two.

"Don't worry, Aubrey. It's just one day," she assured her.

--

"Dumating daw yung pinsan mo a," untag sa kanya ni Jasmine.

Paris gave his girlfriend a bland look. "O, ano ngayon?"

She shrugged. "Wala lang."

It's been three years since Ken left for Canada. But knowing that he's on the same continent again bugged him. Ken left the country fuming in anger at him. At ang dahilan? Gusto raw sya ni Ahn. Ni wala syang kamalay-malay noon na ganoon na pala ang nararamdaman nito sa kanya. He thought they've already established their relationship as best friends!

Apparently, it wasn't the same for her.

Noong nalaman niya na ganoon na nga ang sitwasyon, he couldn't do anything. He was already with Jasmine at the time. Wala naman syang gusto kay Ahn. He used to like her before, pero hinala niya ay dahil gusto rin ito ni Ken.

It wasn't until Jasmine that he was able to sort his feelings out.

Jasmine knew about the whole thing, of course. But it didn't bother her as much as it did him.

"As long as hindi ka nya aagawin sa 'kin, wala akong problema kung may gusto sya sa 'yo," sabi pa nito noon.

"Hindi ka man lang nagseselos?" he teased.

"Sanay na 'ko e. Since high school naman, ang dami nang may gusto sa 'yo," paliwanag nito.

He still couldn't take it lightly. Close sila ni Ahn. Kapatid na ang turing niya rito. And rejecting her means that he will hurt her, kahit ayaw niya. Dagdag pa na galit si Ken sa kanya kahit hindi naman niya purposely na inagaw dito si Ahn.

He still felt responsible for that messy rejection, knowing that they have a history to look back to.

"Ano na'ng gagawin mo ngayon? For sure, magkikita kayo sa wedding ni Ate Iya."

He shrugged. Hindi naman sya pwedeng umiwas. Fortunately for him, hindi galit sa kanya si Iya. Naintindihan naman nito na wala syang kasalanan. She's pissed off with Ahn though. So it came as a surprise when she invited her.

Magkikita-kita silang muli sa kasal ng ate Iya niya. Ngayon pa lang, nagdarasal na siya na sana walang gulong mangyari.

--

Ken's back. The mere thought that he's back makes Ahn's stomach churn. She lost the appetite to eat when her mother told them the news. When she excused herself, hindi siya pinigilan ng mga ito. They knew how much it would affect her.

It's been three long years since that mistake.

Naaalala pa niya ang lahat ng nangyari, as if everything just happened yesterday. Yes, she did like someone else at that time. Months before her debut, mas naging close siya kay Paris. Ken's away for his OJT. Sobrang dalang nilang magkita noon. Busy ito sa pag-aaral dahil graduating na ito. Idagdag pa roon, hindi pa rin sya pwedeng lumabas na ito lang ang kasama, because she's still a minor.

Iya was then busy with Hans. Bihira na rin niya itong makita noong huling taon nito sa kolehiyo. At that time, si Paris ang madalas niyang kasama. Paris was allowed to be alone with her, because he doesn't feel anything romantic towards her.

Kumbaga, parang magkapatid lang ang turingan nilang dalawa.

But then, she got too comfortable. She tried to stop it, dahil alam niyang mali. She should be with Ken. Ilang buwan na lang, pwede na niya itong sagutin.

But she couldn't stop her heart from doing what it wants.

Nang dumating ang araw na kailangan na niyang sagutin si Ken, she was so torn. Gusto pa rin niya si Paris noon. Ayaw naman niyang ikulong ang sarili niya sa isang relasyon kung wala naman doon ang puso niya.

She knew Ken would be hurt, but she can't delay it anymore. Alam niyang hindi pwedeng sabihin niya ritong maghintay ulit ito ng ilang buwan o ilan pang taon dahil baka sakaling bumalik dito yung feelings nya.

So noong gabing iyon, sinabi na niya rito ang totoo. That way, they could think things through. Baka nga naman hindi talaga sila ang para sa isa't isa.

Then, Ken graduated. Hindi siya pumunta sa celebration ng kambal dahil alam niyang pareho itong galit sa kanya. She also bought a gift for him, na ngayon ay nabubulok na sa closet niya. Umiwas na rin sya kay Paris dahil nahihiya siya rito. To think that he's already with someone at that time!

Galit din sina Rica, Frances at Vienna sa kanya. Basically, she became public enemy number one. The old folks were more understanding, lalo na ang ninang Jazz niya. Mas natanggap pa nga nito ang desisyon niya ng maayos kaysa sa daddy niya, na ilang araw ding nagtampo sa kanya.

Nang mawala ang tampo nito, he told her why he acted like that.

He's been in the same situation a long time ago, with her ninang Jazz. At kahit pa raw masaya na ito sa piling ng nila, he couldn't help but feel a tinge of pain for Ken.

Kinuha niya ang alarm clock na binigay nito sa kanya noong 15th birthday niya. Hindi na ito umaandar. Matagal nang nawalan ng baterya. But she didn't bother replacing the batteries after he went away. Time stopped for the both of them that night.

Sana kasi, kayang hulaan ng tao ang hinaharap nya. Kung alam nya lang na mawawala rin agad ang feelings nya for Paris, she would have said yes to Ken. Pero malay ba naman niya.

Niyakap niya ang alarm clock.

It's been three years. Will he give her a second chance if she ask for it?