FALLEN (NOW PUBLISHED ON AMAZON)

50.

He throws up again, emptying his stomach one last time before he falls lazily on his knees and rests his head on his arm on the side of the loo.

I straighten myself to flush and lift gently his chin so that I can clean up his face. The towel is now dirty and cold, so I get up to rinse it and come back down to clean his face completely.

"Do you think you're done?" I ask him and take back the towel he had on his shoulders to wrap him comfortably.

"I think, yeah." He responds, his eyes shut, trying to sit back down in front of the loo.

"You must feel tired. Do you want to go to bed? Do you want to take a shower?"

"Not now.... I just, I want to stay here for a bit." He answers slowly, extremely weak, looking for something to lean on.

I scoot closer to him and embrace him so that he can lean on me the time he recovers a little. I take advantage of this time to look at him. His shirt is dirty. He stinks a lot, he really needs a shower.

Do they do that often?! Mike didn't seem surprised that Ashley was sick... I will have to question him on that matter at a later time. For now, I just need to get Ashley back on his feet for his shows this weekend. Why does he need drugs to get a high? His job, playing the drums in front of thousands of people, doesn't give him enough of a high?

I don't know for how long we stay like this, my arms wrapped around him on the bathroom floor, but I get out of my thoughts to find Ashley trembling in my arms.

"Ashley, what's wrong?" I ask him in a hurry, calling his name so that he wakes up or understands the urgency to answer me.

He doesn't respond and I panic. I step away from him and I see how little energy he has in him. I get out of the bathroom to seek for the first shirt I can find. My brother's attention is on me as soon as he sees me look into Ash's suitcase. Mikey's as well, but he's more nonchalant about this whole situation than my brother and I are.

"He's always cold when he's sick. The trick is to make him wear socks. Two pairs usually suffice." He informs me and wraps himself back into the cocoon of blankets we've found him in. Lucas seem to be a lot quieter, but I really don't fucking mind at the moment.

I take the first shirt that I see and join back Ashley in the bathroom. I find him laid on the floor with his eyes closed. I panic instantly and rush to his side to make him get up just in case he gets sick. I don't want him to choke with his own vomit, so I raise him in a seated position. I hold his head in front of mine and I can't hide my concern tone when I call his name.

"Ash?! Open your eyes. It's not time to sleep. We're going in the shower." I tell him and hold him close to me.

I take off the towel around his shoulders to then take off his dirty shirt. He barely opens his eyes, but the second his shirt is off, he clings onto me like his life depends on it. I can feel just how badly he is shaking, so I hurry my hands to the hem of his jeans and undo them to take them off. I don't care about his socks or his underwear. I take back the towel on the ground and wrap his shoulders again so that I can undress myself as well.

I search for his eyes to make sure he has some stability and can hold himself when I sit him on the loo. Thankfully, he does. So, I take off my clothes quickly and put on his shirt to cover my body. I take him by the hands and lead him with me in the shower.

"You don't need to do... this." He says very weakly as I close the glass door behind him.

"You don't need to do this, Ashley. It's clearly not the first time you've been so drunk that you can't hold it in." I tell him and turn on the water in the shower, he jumps at the contact of cold water, but it heats up in seconds.

He clings onto me even harder until he starts to warm up. The more he lets go of me, the easier I feel about starting to clean him. I take the wet cloth I had earlier and wash his face with water first until he gains composure and can stand on his own. I take the hotel soap and rub it on the cloth to wash his skin. The shirt I took from him is soaking wet as well as my hair. I feel the mascara running on my cheeks as it burns my eyes. I decide to wash my face first before I tenderly caress his face with the cloth to clean what might have left from his vomit.

Now that he doesn't need me to stand, his arm don't cling onto me, they circle me, resting on the lower part of my back. I don't realise it at first, until he pulls me to him and dives his lips slowly on mine.  They don't touch for long.  It's a peck more than a snog.  It surprises me more than anything.

I part slowly to not make him fall. It didn't make me feel anything except how wrong it is... Marcel will never understand...

"You can't do that." I tell him and decide this shower is over and that it might have given him the wrong idea all along.

I get out of the shower and take his towel to give to him as I search for one, dripping water everywhere on the floor.

"I wanted to." He lets out and lazily dries himself before joining me out of the shower. "And I want to do it again."

"Ash, you can't. You're sick and I was only trying to help you." I finally find a towel and wrap it around myself since I realise how transparent his wet shirt that I wear has gotten.

"Grace..." He whispers and his insistence is becoming annoying.

"Look at yourself, Ash! You're drunk and high and sick! This is not the Ashley that I know." I let out furiously. I've tried to be nice, but I think he might have thought me as too nice.

I open the door of the bathroom and walk out of there to let him join the other lads and get to bed. I look at Lucas, still annoyed.

"He's clean and he's not cold anymore. He's your job to take care of. Dress him and get to bed, both of you." I let out furiously so that I can go back in the bathroom, get dressed, and leave this place.

I see Lucas wanting to complain, but I look at him very seriously and shut him up with my expression that warns him.

"Don't you dare argue. Do you realise how of a mess you are? Is that really the kind of artists you want to be? Do as you wish, it's your life, but know you're putting your life in danger. And I won't stand here and support your lifestyles." I tell both of them, knowing full well now the burden Mikey has to go through to take care of them.

I go back inside the loo and dry myself as quickly as possible to get dressed again. This is so not the night I wanted to have.

I get out of the bathroom and Lucas meets me in the door frame, a sorry look in his eyes.

"Please, don't say anything to Sophie." He pleads to me, looking very genuine, but honestly if there's someone in the world that can shake them is her.

"You have everything to gain if I tell her. Now, you're high and you don't understand... but you'll thank me one day."

I look him right in the eyes for a long moment, until I look to my left to my brother. I pick up my purse on the ground and turn my back to them to finally leave this room. And here I always thought of the boys as drama free... How wrong I have been!  

***

Happy Valentine's Day!

May you treat yourself with a little Sinatra, My Funny Valentine.

All the love & thank you for your support!