Paintings Of Him

Chapter 19 - Warmth

When Jordan finally came to me with a reluctant look in his eyes, I knew exactly what he needed to say. I stayed quiet, letting him spill his truth as I knew that his feelings in this matter were just as important to me as anything else. He was still my family, the other part of me, the one who usually made me do the right thing. I had seen him grow so much as a person in the past few years and seeing him feel so alone, broke my heart every minute. 

"Look..." he began with a sigh, "I love both of you, you are both so important to me...but you can't blame me for needing some time to get used to this. I'm sorry that it took such a long time for me to look at things reasonably-"

"Jordan, I understand-"

He squeezed his eyes shut. "Please, let me finish...I acted like an asshole when I found out and even though I was hurt, it is no excuse. I'm really sorry that I wasn't there for you when you left college...you must have felt really alone. I just want you to know that I'll always be proud of you, sis, no matter what you end up doing."

My eyes softened, and instead of trying to express how much his words meant to me through words, I decided not to try. I almost collapsed into his arms, hugging him so tightly while he chuckled softly. Jordan squeezed me against his chest before ruffling my hair as we pulled away, grinning at each other. Despite our similar appearances with our blonde hair and bright green eyes, we contrasted each other in a lot of ways. But despite how different we were, we knew deep down that we always needed to be there for each other. 

"Please don't hate Corbin for this-"

"Clara-"

"No" I interrupted quickly, "Please, just don't think that he took advantage of me or whatever. I am the one who loved him for years and didn't say anything...he never even knew until...something happened. Maybe I'll tell you one day but...he tells me that he feels the same way, am I so stupid for believing him?"

Jordan smiled lightly. "Of course you're not stupid, you idiot. I have known for a while that things have been different between you two...I just didn't want to admit it."

I looked down and bit my lip softly. "He makes me happy, J."

"Good" he grinned, "that is all I could ever ask of him."

My face fell slightly. "But...what are you going to do about college? Do you think that he should go back and try to get back onto the course? Do you think that they would take him back..I-I would never want him to give something up to be near me I-"

Jordan chuckled. "God, you always did overthink everything. I'll talk to him about it but it is his decision to make. I'll be okay with whatever he decides."

"Okay."

Jordan nudged my shoulder playfully. "What would you say if I told you that I am secretly with Lois? Would you kill me?"

My eyes widened. "What?"

"I'm kidding" he laughed. "Not that fun, is it?"

...

Later that night, I found myself creeping down a familiar hallway, with Jordan deciding to go back to college. Corbin was still staying in Jordan's room and when I opened the door gently, he sat up and rubbed his eyes with a content smile, as if he had been expecting me. I shuffled closer slowly as if waiting for him to tell me to leave, but he only grinned as I walked closer to the bed. 

My voice was quiet. "Can I stay here?"

"You don't need to ask..." his eyes were soft. 

I bit my lip to hide my smile, slipping into the duvet next to him gently. He shuffled over to give me some room and I curled up on one of the pillows, sighing contently. We stared at each other for a while, a comfortable silence that made it seem as if we were exchanging exactly what we felt through our gazes. There was something strange about being so close to someone, to feel their entire soul connect with yours until you barely even needed words. Corbin made me so at ease, as if I didn't need to be anyone else around him, like for once being myself was good enough. 

"Clara" he mumbled breathlessly. 

"Yeah?"

He scanned my eyes. "I-I...never mind."

My frown deepened. "Corbin, what is it? You can tell me anything, you know that. Is something on your mind?"

He shook his head, looking down for a while as if he didn't have the words to express how he felt. For someone who had always seemed so sure of himself and confident, I had never seen him so troubled and unsure as if he was lost. It made a sick feeling swell in my gut, as if maybe I wasn't doing enough to make him happy and that maybe I would never be enough to keep him happy forever. 

As if he knew what I was thinking, he mumbled something under his breath. "Stop."

"Stop what?"

He cracked a smile. "Stop overthinking everything."

I opened my mouth to apologize put he cut me off, his lips pressing against mine so softly that I lost all train of thought. His hands cupped my cheeks, my lips automatically falling open as a gasp escaped my parted lips. He smiled against my lips, tilting my head slightly so that he could get a better angle, my hands awkwardly staying by my sides. I didn't know what I was supposed to do but it almost made Corbin more calm, like he was expecting to take control of the situation as he rolled on top of me. 

He kissed me until I forgot what color the sky was, until I almost forgot my own name. When he eventually pulled away, laughing softly at my awestruck expression, he pecked my forehead softly. His eyes were so soft and it was hard to imagine him not ever feeling the same way, a giddy feeling taking over my bones as if I couldn't think of anything else but him. After a while they looked down slightly, his throat clearing slightly as I frowned. 

"I heard you speaking to Jordan" he mentioned hesitantly.

My eyes cast downwards, "You did? I-I don't want you to think that I am trying to keep you here or convince you to leave either...I just want you to do what makes you happy."

He reached out and stroked my cheek. "Guess I better stay with you then, because that makes me happier than anything in the world."

xxx

Sorry it is quite short but the next one will be up soon, it will be longer and unfortunately the last one :/ hope you enjoyed this chapter anyway and like how I end the book eventually! I have loved writing it but it is definitely time for it to come to an end, as soon as it all comes to a happy ending and little reunion. 

Leave a comment telling me what you thought, I want to know what you expect to happen next for the ending! What do you think of Jordan and Clara's discussion and her sneaking into Corbin's bed? Let me know, lovelies<3

~Jodie