Never

Chapter 35

I get into the car again with the bag filled with things from the pharmacy immediately laughing at Demi's face. "I thought I might as well pick up some shampoo!" I comment cheerfully before leaning in to kiss her trying to distract her from the bag. Our lips touch but, unexpectedly Demi pulls away. "What are you hiding from me?" She sarcastically questions me. "Dammit." I mutter under my breath pulling out the very strong schizophrenia medication or whatever it's called. "Aripiprazole... uhhh, an antipsychotic? So you have anything to tell me?" She lifts her eyebrows in a threatening manner. "Not by my choice I don't even know what that is." I say truthfully for the first time in the last few minutes. "I made her give me her diagnosis..." I whisper shamefully. "Lexi! It was only the first session, they are only trying to get a bond with you before telling you that you have a mental disorder." She scolds me making me mutter something like 'I'm well aware.' She scolds me all the way to my house. I just stop listening after a while. "I'm schizophrenic." I announce before getting out of the car running into my house with my bag of discórdia. I can hear her shouting "Lexi come on here!" But I don't give a shit right now.

"Come on babe let me in!" She keeps screaming outside my door until I hear my moms voice. "Demi, stop screaming will you!" My mom and she have gotten closer during the past few months to a point where Demi respects her like her own mother. "I just, I need to see her, I'm worried...I.." She rambles uncontrollably, despair and concern evident in her strained tone. "Calm down honey... take a deep breath. Ok go downstairs and wait for me, now." My mom affirms in her authoritative tone. Soon a knock soars through the door. "Lexi, amor, open the door please." I don't know if you know this but my mom literally controls me so I do as she says, I open the door. "What's going on, Demi is really freaking, out there." She expresses in her calm and composed tone. "We went to the doctor right? And she just gave me a diagnosis." I breathe out staring at my mom. "So quickly? I'm sure they aren't supposed to.... you pushed her to say it didn't you?" She asks in a knowing manner. "Yes... I'm... schizophrenic." I tell her, her eyes are filled with worry but her forehead shows she's thinking. "You aunt is schizophrenic too. You've always been way too similar to each other." She says chuckling pulling me in for a hug. "It'll be fine honey." She assures me by whispering in my ear. I nod holding in the tears. "Now. I'm gonna call Demi up here and you'll talk to her, poor thing was freaking out." She declares pulling away and clapping her hands with each syllable.

I just sit on my bed waiting for her face to appear, waiting for her light steps to come closer, waiting for her Minty breath to trickle onto my neck. Soon enough she's standing in front of me, and I quickly invited her to sit next to me. All of this happens in complete and utter silence, well, until my mom screams "I don't hear much talking going on!" From downstairs making both of us laugh. "Uhhh, I'm sorry?" I say I'm a questioning manner. She smiles before exclaiming "No! No really, I'm sorry. I really should be kissing your feet, apologizing to the moon and back." I just chuckle at her remark before placing my arms around her. "No, I need you to be here not halfway to the moon." I explain in a jokingly childish tone. "Your wish is my command." She dictates looking up at me with those beautiful puppy brown eyes that I would literally kill for. I simply smile at her before placing my lips on hers. "I love you, I'm literally crazy in love with you." I joke chuckling at my own stupidity, only to make her reveal an unimpressed face. "I love you too, don't call yourself crazy because I will get angry." She proclaims.

There's a weird and heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach, I need to tell her. I need to talk to her about the feelings that I haven't even allowed myself to think about. "Uhh I just, I don't know how to understand this. I just, I want to be the best I can for you and I feel like, I've been doing a shitty job. I should be the one to protect you, love you, hold you, cheer you up, give everything you deserve, I want to be able to laugh with Maddie and make you laugh. I just feel like I'm not enough for you anymore. I'm crazy and I don't know how to fix it." I explain letting myself vent all the feelings I've been burying deep inside. Suddenly tears start streaming down my face, I just can't help them. "I don't even know why I'm fucking crying." I exclaim dramatically, starting to chuckle at my own crazy ass. I feel arms slowly wrap around me pulling me closer to her. "Hey, it's ok. This is just you adjusting to something new, you'll be fine, your fucking protected ass heart needs to open up a little. You're allowed to be upset love. Be upset, destroy things, cry and let it all out. If you're anything like me it'll soon get better. I can promise you, my angel, making yourself numb will feel no better than letting it all out." Her words are so perfectly strung together, her tone so calming and soothing. She is literally a calm in this shitshow of a storm.