Pacifier

// Isabelle \\

"You're all staring at me..." I shied away, shrinking into my brother, hiding beneath the rim of my flat cap as I looked around at them, demure and small.

"Cmon Izzy love, don't be shy," Blakes tried to nudge me, coax me into confession but it was Vans eyes swelling with warmth that eventually drew the tale out of me.

"I went to the art block for catch up and I went to get my work off the drying rack like, and someone had left me a note..."

"Ooo, someones leaving her love letter Bondy," snickered Dylan, the others laughing along too, all except Van who leant forward, elbows on the table as he concentrated all his attention on me. I wasn't sure if it was because I hadn't laughed with everyone else, or whether it was because he'd sensed something was wrong long before I'd said anything about a note.

"What did it say darlin?" He asked, his eyes flickering to my brother for a moment before settling back on me.

At that I swallowed, a little jolt of fear cursing through my veins, unsure whether I should say it out loud. Or whether I should keep it to myself.

I glanced up at my brother too, biting down on the inside of my cheek, sucking at the blood and I shifted uncontrollably and let the silence linger. They were all tuned in now.

I thought about showing them the note, I'd kept it see, folded it very neatly and kept it with me all day in my back pocket.

"Izzy?" Asked Bondy then, I'd been a little too quiet a little too long.

"Oh um..." I opened my mouth to speak and then changed my mind, biting the tip of my tongue as I shook my head. Cheeks tinged pink. I couldn't say it out loud, not with them all listening in.
"It wasn't very nice..." I trailed off meekly, and suddenly I felt silly, suddenly I understood why they all treated me like a child. I was embarrassed.

"Its alright Bondy," said Van then, "Come tell me darlin," he said eyes pooling with that same warmth from before, grounding me. Inspiring honesty. And so I did. I slipped carefully from Johnnys lap and leant across the table, just as he did, to whisper in his ear, and when I did he remained still. The calm surface of the sea when the current shudders disturbed.

"Can I see it?" He asked his expression unchanged as I stood shifting one foot to the other, skin crawling as they watched me with curiosity and concern. For a moment I wasn't sure I wanted to, wasn't sure I could face the humiliation but with his repetition, "Isabelle, let me see the note," I relented, shoving it into his hands a little quicker than I should have before scurrying back to my brothers lap, wrapping myself up in his jacket, warm, safe against his chest. He leant his chin on my head and pulled me in and with Van reading and rereading my note the eyes of the lads sitting around the table finally split from me, studying Van and only Van. Waiting on his verdict.

And when it came no one disagreed.

"I'm taking Isabelleto school tomorrow..." he said. His voice firm and final.

"I..." I started but my brother cut me off, reaching forward for the note.

"What does it say?" He asked already reading it, already half way to changing his mind, "no way, no fucking way, shes not going," he started but no sooner had he started had Van already began countering his argument and all I could do was sit shuddering and stifled inbetween them.

"She has to, if she doesn't they'll think we're scared..."

"I don't give a fuck I'm not risking that, she's not going!"

"Bond..." he said all warning tones and empathy, "cmon la you know she's got to go... I'll take her, no ones gonna risk touching her if they see me at the school gates are they?"