Curious // Billie Eilish

Chapter 22

"Was that picture with Callie a manip?"

I freeze. "What picture?"

"The one from the airport yesterday!" someone else chimes in and I realize everyone else is listening and watching our conversation unfold intently.

"I don't know what picture you guys are talking about," I say, trying not to sound as nervous as I feel. A picture of me and Callie from the airport? I didn't see anyone taking pictures...fuck.

"This one," someone says and shows me her phone, my stomach dropping when I see a picture of me and Callie, mid kiss. Our lips are connected and my hands are cupping her cheeks, while her arms around around my waist. It's a little blurry because I imagine the photographer was in a rush, but you can still tell it's us.

It's actually a really sweet picture of us, what a shame it was taken without our consent then leaked to the internet, probably for some money.

"Uh..." I stare at it dumbly, unsure of what to say in this situation.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

This shit must be everywhere by now. News sites are probably already discussing my sexuality and relationship, picking everything apart as if they're allowed to have an opinion.

It's probably trending on fucking twitter or some shit. Oh my god.

Am I...out?

I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack.

"I, uh, I need to go," I rush out and quickly pull back from the group, trying not to focus on how bad I feel for leaving without talking to all of them.

"Wait, Billie-" I tune them out.

Right now I need to focus on myself.

I try to slow my breathing as I quickly walk over to Fin and my mom who are standing by the baggage carousel, chatting.

"G-guys," I say shakily and their heads snap towards me, concern written on both of their faces.

"What? What's wrong?" Finneas asks and puts his arm around me reassuringly, holding me close while I shake.

"Someone fucking leaked a picture of me and Callie at the airport," I tell them in a shaky voice and they share a look, knowing what particular moment at the airport I'm talking about. "I didn't want people to find out like this," I mumble sadly and bury my face in Fin's chest as I start crying.

"It'll be okay, Billie," he says softly and rubs my back in gentle, soothing circles. "It's 2019, no one will mind."

"No, no. You don't get it," I say and pull away from him, feeling riled up all of the sudden. Damn, I just went from really sad to really angry real quick. "I don't care what people think about my sexuality once I'm out. If someone don't like girls kissing girls then their opinion is invalid anyway, dude. But when and how people find out is supposed to be my deal, you know? It's supposed to be on my fucking terms. But it wasn't, because people for some reason think that because I make music they have the right to take pictures of me without my consent and out me to the whole fucking world. Like, how the fuck is that fair? I'm so sick of not being treated like a fucking normal human, you know?" I vent out all my frustrations as my mom and Fin just simply listen, giving me time to get it all out.

As soon as I get it all out my shoulders slump as my head hangs as I look down at the shiny airport floor.

"But now everyone knows, so I have to fucking confront this before I'm ready to. I wanted to at least figure myself out before I had to explain it to the world."