1997

23

March 17, 1997
Harlem, New York
7:34 P.M.

"Your dad is a real difficult man," Rakim spoke to me as he helped me carry in birthday decorations for my Dad. I laughed softly and looked to him.

"Rakim, you're the difficult one baby. But that's why I love you." I sat down the rest of the decorations and pecked his lips. Rakim held a small smirk on his face and pulled me even closer.

"Something seems different about you Rave. Did something happen to you, some I don't know about?" Rakim peered into my eyes, and gave a light tap to my nose. I looked down and blushed a little, but the encounter that I had with C.J. kept replaying in my mind. I shook my head and bit my lip nervously.

"N-Nah, I'm good." I told him, he raised his eyebrows and just studied my demeanor. Rakim sighed and placed both of his hands on the counter before looking back towards me.

"Rave, you know you can be honest with me, right?" Rakim asked. It's like he already knew. I nodded my head slowly, and took a step back away from Rakim.

"I noticed that your hair is different today Rave, but it you didn't do a good enough job to hide the hickey you have right behind your ear." Rakim stated bluntly.

I felt my heart drop to the pit of my stomach. The tears fell endlessly from my face and I just shook my head. Rakim sighed and pulled me closer to him and wiped my tears away.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I- I don't know what I was thinking Rakim. I swear I-..."

Rakim cut my sentence short, "Rave." He stated softly. I finally fixed myself to look into his eyes to see that he was crying too. Rakim still wiped my tears away. He embraced me in a warming hug.

"Raven, I forgive you. You forgave me for what I done, I forgive you." Rakim admitted to me. I nodded my head vigorously, wiping my face with the back of my hands.

"Rakim, I'm so sorry. We're suppose to be moving forward with our relationship and here I am, messing everything up. I'm so fuckin' stupid!" I yelled to myself.

Rakim grabbed my face roughly, forcing me to look at him. I was forced to watch the tears fall from his face.

"Raven stop! May- maybe we need some time apart, Rave. I think that'll be best." Rakim told me honestly. I pulled his hands from my face and squinted my eyes at him.

"You're breaking up with me?" I questioned. Silence. I shook my head and tried my best to stop the oncoming tears. I felt my heart shatter into tiny different pieces.

"Rav-" I cut Rakim's sentence short.

"Leave." I stated. Rakim still stood in my presence.

"Get out!" I croaked. Rakim sighed and grabbed his jacket. He opened the front door, placed a box on the table, and left without uttering a single word to me.

I immediately dropped to the floor, I've reached my limit. Everything just hurt, so much. I had completely let go. We were done.

Rakim and I were done.

*

*

*

"Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday Dear, Daddy! Happy Birthday to you!" Everyone sung in unison and then my father blew out the candles. We all clapped and cheered.

I snapped a few pictures of my dad on my Polaroid and gave him a hug.

"Thank you so much for this baby." My father smiled and kissed me on the cheek. My father's female friend approached us and handed us plates of cake.

"We'll open gifts next! Did you two want any ice cream." She asked us, we politely declined her offer and continued with our cake.

"Where's Rakim? I thought he would be here?" My father asked. I felt my body tense up and I immediately thought about earlier. I forced a smile onto my face.

"Uh he actually had an uh problem at home, but he left you this." I said retrieving the box from my pocket and handing it to my father. I watched as he began to unwrap it, revealing a very expensive looking watch. A note was also in the box and it read:

Thank you for your services, but most of all thank you for letting me be apart of your daughter's life.
Happy Birthday and to plenty more.
- Rakim

"Wow." My father muttered with a soft smile on his face. I sighed at Rakim's message.

I wanted to call him. I wanted to apologize. I wanted to hear his voice. I didn't want us to end. I wanted him to still be apart of my life.

"Raven, is there something wrong?" I heard my father call out to me. I snapped out of my daze and shook my head.

"I'm uh fine. Are you enjoying yourself?" I asked him, he smiled and patted my leg.

"I couldn't have wished for a better moment. Than to be here with you, and friends that I consider family. I thank you again Rave." My father admitted to me before joining the crowd.

I stepped into the kitchen and all of my thoughts instantly flooded towards Rakim.

I love him, and I'm undoubtedly in love with him. So letting him go is something I just can't fathom. I didn't get a cheap thrill out of hurting him, I don't even know why I did it. Was it out of anger? Lust? I don't know, but I lost someone that I completely cared about. I wondered if he thought the same when he cheated on me?

People make mistakes right? Why can't we just forgive them, I forgave him, he forgave me, where exactly is our happy ending? Is this what all relationships go through; fame, women, sex, drugs?

But still, Rakim left with not a word to me. Does he even still love me, just a little bit?

WOAH HELLO! it's been more than a year since i updated and i know this is probably shitty but a better chapter is coming, i promise! if i ever go missing pls feel free to put me in check by messaging me on instagram @phucksaints im still so sorry for the HUGE ASS delay btw, but i can literally write a life in my book from 2018 til mf now