midwife » michael gray. [completed]

CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN.

"Because I'm not giving up on you, never in a million years. I want to explain everything so you can understand why I did what I did. Look." Michael took hold of Hannah's free hand, stilling her movements temporarily. A sigh of relief came from him when Hannah made no attempt to move away. "I'm sorry, alright? I am so fucking sorry for everything that happened. Not just New York, right from the very start. I didn't treat you right - "

"You did treat me right and that's what makes this worse. I loved you Michael, more than anything and anyone and I never would have given up so easy. You, on the other hand, you just left Small Heath, ran away from your problems like a typical Shelby man."

"I'm not a Shelby."

"Stop acting like one then," Hannah spat, venom in her tone. "You are just like Tommy and I hate that about you." The look on Michael's face was killing her. Hannah wanted to scream and shout, kick off and curse his name but she would always end up crumbling when she was with him. If you took away all of the anger, which was mostly there because Hannah did not know how to express her feelings, you would find an impressionable girl that just wanted to be loved. Hannah just wanted to know where she went wrong. "Did you ever care about me?"

"Now you are just asking daft questions, I cared about you so much and I still do which is why I am trying to tell you everything."

"Tell me about you and Lily."

As much as Hannah didn't want to hear about Michael's new love interest, she felt the need to know so she could figure out where she stood in Michael's future. One day she would forgive him, maybe she already had but she wasn't willing to admit it. Either way, she wanted to know if they would ever go back to being lovers or if Michael's relationship with Lily was a forever thing.

"It just happened, I didn't plan it or anything. I got drunk one night, not an excuse, and Lily was just there at the bar, we got speaking and I don't know, things just developed quicker than I expected. Next thing you know, we are engaged and I'm on the next boat to England to tell my mum... and you. I was going to tell you, I promise."

"Did your love for me just go that quick?" Hannah asked, her voice cracking. She pulled away from Michael's grip, his hands in hers was just making her weak and she wanted to be tough, she wanted to prove a point.

"No and it still hasn't, probably never will. Lily was a distraction at first. I got it into my head that when I came home, you wouldn't have waited for me. It sounds stupid now," Michael sighed as he rubbed one hand over his face, something that he did whenever he was anxious or scared. At that present moment, he felt both of those emotions.

If Michael couldn't have Hannah as a lover because of his own stupid mistakes, then he needed her as his best friend. It was already a struggle living without Hannah, he missed everything about her from her silly jokes to her good-natured personality, and he couldn't picture his life without that.

"Yeah, it does because I have waited and you should have known that. How many times have I said that I loved you and that I never wanted anybody else because you were the man who made me so happy, nobody else? The nurses have tried setting me up on blind dates and I declined every single one because I stupidly thought that you would come home and everything would be completely fine. Now look at me, I look like a complete and utter idiot." Hannah pushed Michael away before sitting down on the memorial bench that was on the pavement. Her medical bag had been slung to the side as she placed her head in both of her hands.

"You don't, I promise." Michael sat down next to Hannah and took hold of her hands, moving them away so she couldn't hide herself. "I don't know what to say or do to make things better but I want you to know that I love you, despite everything that has happened over the last few years. Hannah, you will always be a part of me, you were my first love and I'll always love you, always."