I Hate Myself

I know people have it worse than me.
I know they do.
I know that my life is not as bad as theirs.

Some have abusive parents, no home, a floor to sleep on.

But I just feel like dying. I'm not suicidal, I just want to die a natural death.
    
     And it's becuase of my grades. They are horrible.

My parents say they are disappointed in me. And I want good grades, but I just don't put effort into it.

But I cry for so much more.

I cry because I'm ugly.
I cry because I'm fat.
I cry because I'm worthless.
I cry because I'm dumb.
I cry because no one will ever love me.

Again, I am not suicidal, I don't want to kill myself. But I know I'm going to hell.

I love God, but Satan has a hold of me. I know God forgives me, but I can't forgive myself.

I look at people and I think, wow, they are so pretty!

How are they so beautiful?

I see people commenting on things saying they are ugly or worthless.

They are beautiful.
They are loved.
They are worth it.

I always criticize myself on my apperience or how ugly I look. I just have no self-confidence.

I make jokes on how ugly I am just so people could laugh and think that I'm funny.

I'm getting sleepy now. I just want to sleep. I want to wake up in 1 million years so no one on Earth could see my ugly face.

I hate myself.

And I can never change.

I'm in too deep.

My head is throbbing.

My heart is hurting.

I just want to be numb.
To feel nothing.

If you hate yourself, don't.

You are beautiful inside and out.

I can't say the same thing about myself.

And if you want to kill yourself, call suicide prevention hotline.

Becuase even though I hate myself, doesn't mean you should hate yourself too.
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Wow. That was hard to write. That had so many emotions in it. I wrote these exact words in my diary one night. I was so sad and depressed, I wanted to die. I want you guys to know that if your going through something, your not alone. And if you are suicidal or want to kill yourself, call suicide prevention hotline.

1-800-273-8355