Ereri - A Loving Mistake - Eren x Levi - Attack on Titan Yaoi

Failure

Eventually, he picked up the phone.

"Eren, you're a fucking idiot!" Mikasa had screamed at him. "Armin is worried sick. He stays outside of your apartment and he cand hear your wretched screams! Pull yourself together you dumb fuck. You're weak. You killed her. So stop making other people miserable and quit screaming and crying like a baby!" Before Eren even said a word, Mikasa hung up.

And, after that, instead of screaming, Eren bit into the side of his hand as hard as he could, until it was bleeding. He did that for quite a while... It made things worse, honestly, but... He just didn't care at that point.

He eventually stopped thought, because Armin was getting angry and worried, so he temporarily moved in with Eren to stop him from harming himself anymore.

After Armin moved out, Eren contemplated suicide, but he just- couldn't do it.

And there he was, so many years later, still being a piece of weak shit.

"I... I..." Eren stuttered, looking at the faint scars on his hand. As every single memory flashed through his head, he felt another scream coming on.

"Don't..." he doubled over, his heart racing as anger, frustration and despair built up inside of him. He felt as if his chest would explode... It hurt so bad. And his lungs wouldn't work, his chest got tighter and tighter as he hyperventilated, hugging himself tightly. The bed creaked below him as he shook, and the light blue walls of his room seemed to be mocking him, closing in on him.

"No..." He cried out, clutching himself. Why didn't his life make sense anymore? He couldn't handle it. He was too weak.

Too weak to live, too afraid to die.

Eren found himself looking at his hand as all the emotions bubbled up inside of him, threatening to explode.

"No... No..." He saw Levi's face, and he could just picture him with Petra, and he saw Armin, smiling, and then he saw Armin crying, but trying to hide his emotions, like usual... The images were like a stab to his chest. Holy shit, it hurt so much more than any physical pain. And then Mikasa and mom, happy together, and his mom would still be alive and Mikasa would be happy... If only...

"Why can't I just turn back time..." He knew it wasn't possible. He would have to live with all this bullshit haunting him for the rest of his life...

However long his life would last

Mikasa... Mom... Levi... Armin... Mom... Levi... I'm so sorry Armin..." Eren managed to sob, his breath catching in his throat.

Damn everything.

He couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

It wasn't even a tunnel anymore.

It was quicksand, and he managed to get halfway out for the past few years but...

It was back.

Nothing was okay anymore.

He was being swallowed in pain. He was being dragged down by despair.

His only anchors were better off without him.

Eren... He was hopeless.

Thoughts of the people he left behind and the things he had done swirled through his head. He imagined Levi happy with someone else, Armin leaving him... and he knew his mother probably hated him, wherever she was.

He felt a scream beginning to escape his lips. Instictively, he squeezed his eyes shut and lifted his hand to his face.

Just as he began to exhale, he bit down on his hand, hard, drawing blood.

Pain shot up his arm, and he could taste the blood in his mouth.

"N-no..." He stuttered through the pain, putting pressure on his hand. "Not again... Not again... No..."

He collapsed backwards, sobbing, curled in a ball on top of the covers on his bed.

Eren clutched his left hand to his chest, the blood staining his white shirt.

"I'm so sorry..." He whispered, squeezing his eyes shut as hard as he possibly could.

"I... Failed all of you."

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Author note- oh my god please don't hate me I'm sorry....

IM SORRY ITS SO DEPRESSING :~:

I think writing this chapter almost made me cry

EREN IM SORRY BBY

Sorry for not updating! I'll try to be better about that.

~Volume Struck

PLEASE READ BELOW

Guys, Uh, this is really sad but it's important, even if you aren't involved in the k-pop community, so I decided to include it here. on September 3rd, Members of a rising k pop girl group known as Ladies Code were in a fatal car accident. I don't think I am a reliable scource of information on that (I'm having trouble keeping up with everything that's happening) So, please, google them and find out. All I know is one of them, EunB passed away. RIP EunB. The other two, as far as I know, are in very critical conditon. Please support them as they go through this rough time. I hope the k pop community can come together to get through this and honor her memory and support them.