Until you can't run anymore

But you don't really want that

"Great! There's really no exact time but I could like meet you at ten in the corner? It's at my place so it's not long to walk."

But he had already said he would go. And Tyler's eyes were sparkling. Which was totally weird too. They didn't even know each other.

"So uhm... Don't fret. I know you don't know anyone and blah blah. It's still okay. If you don't like it there I don't feel bad if you want to leave", Tyler said.

And how the heck does he read my thoughts? Josh wondered.

"Okay", he answered barely audibly.

It was hard to let anyone close. He was sick of the repetitive pattern that always lead to him getting abandoned. It was so much easier to be alone by his own choice. And besides- if people always left him didn't it mean they didn't like him? Sometimes you need to get to the realisation to find the peace. And sometimes it really wasn't even peace but horrible emptiness.

"I don't... Uhm. I didn't even ask last time do you like Red Bull. So if you don't, I can pick up something else", Tyler said suddenly blushing slightly.

"Oh, no it's fine", Josh shook his head and surprised even himself that he managed to draw a smile on his face.

"Great", Tyler nodded and got up, "See you on Saturday then?"

"Yeah."

He didn't even know why he felt so weird. Tyler left and the same time he was relieved and same time sad. The company was nice, but he felt still so awkward with the other. Which made him wonder how would he endure the party. And what was is going to be like. Party would mean different things to every people.

But the few days passed by and soon he found himself wondering was his black hoodie and black ripped jeans too casual. And then he felt stupid as he watched Tyler approach him on the crossroads. No one would even notice what he wore, so he should just stop thinking about it. And when he got out of that thought the next one attacked. He didn't have anything with him. Was he supposed to bring something? Usually, there was food and alcohol in parties. Now his hands that he pushed to his hoodie pocket felt really empty. And it was too late to even ask since Tyler was in front of him and gestured to the direction he came from. On the other hand, he wouldn't have even had money to bring anything so maybe it was a good thing. Now he didn't need to come up with an excuse.

"Dude, chill", Tyler poked him and he flinched.

He didn't realise he looked that nervous. And now he was even more nervous since Tyler had noticed it. Chewing his lip he cast his eyes down to the dirty pavement. Tyler told quickly about his friends that seemed nice to Josh. But he didn't really care. He knew he was the awkward one. He always was. Even the fact that Tyler was talking to him was weird. But then again, he had barely told even his name. There wasn't really anything for Tyler to grasp onto. Or the opposite really, not anything that would push him away.

"So you're gay?" Tyler said as they approached a building.

"Huh?" Josh frowned.

"Well I have never known a male prostitute that isn't", the other shrugged.

"Right... Yeah. And you know many?" Josh asked. He was rather curious how big of a deal Tyler was. He didn't know other drug dealers but he was sure Tyler wasn't the only one.

"It's the business. I know many people. Well, or not so well."

After a silent moment Tyler opened his mouth again, "Is it a problem?"

Josh frowned again. He couldn't keep up anymore.

"You being gay?"

A problem? Why would it be a problem? He didn't have anyone who it could be a problem to. Not anymore.