Alex and I

Chapter 1- Introduction

I believe we have a choice in this world. The choice of being who you want to be; who you feel like being, without anybody stopping you. Or, the choice of who you have to be, the one people force you to be. I, Ronnie Daniels, have always loved everything, and mostly physics. I've been the person I wanted to be except when people forced me to be the one I didn't want to be. Like, imagine people trying to change who you are for who you don't want to be, and then you turn out to still hate it and you feel bad about yourself and you get into depression and.. Anyways. I am also a geek. A very clumsy geek. Did you know that a person had 70,000 thoughts a day? Well I might have a lot more. I've got one 17 year old big brother, Crawford. He just can't stop smoking since he broke up with his girlfriend, Sasha. She’s a total bitch. But my mom doesn't care cause she smokes too and she's never here for us. She’s not working but she’s just never there. Crawford also doesn't care about me anymore. Well, not like before. He was locked in his room every single day during summer. What an asshole! It's not his fault, though. He thinks I haven't been heartbroken yet? Well yes I have been, but not because of breakups, because I never had a boyfriend yet and that I didn't get my first kiss. But why worrying about that anyways?

Firstly, I don't want that because it's a loss of time. Why not working to get good grades? And secondly, I don't want to cry as much as Crawford did. Maybe he's my big bro and that he's the one who should care about me since my mom doesn't, but for the moment, it's my turn care for him; he's looking depressive.

All of this doesn't mean I don't watch those handsome Abercrombie and Fitch models. I do that kind of thing with my one and only best friend, Ailin. She's the kind of mysterious, crazy, funny girl. She's also the prettiest girl I've ever seen. She dreams to be a top model. But she's not a geek like me. She believes she can take the "RAWR" out of me, because I'm 'too nice'. Yeah, I love those kinda people because they make me feel alive when I'm not.

Why am I so nice anyways when my whole family is crazy? Look, imma rebel: RAWR! Got the fear of your life right? No. I.. Don't think soo!!

OK. Now I should stop talking about boys and other stuff and concentrate to tell you about the real stuff. You know, the stuff apart from this. The stuff that counts. Not that this doesn't count but, ugh. Forget. So.

1. I changed schools twice because for some reason I couldn't go to the one I wanted (My mom obliged me to go to this shitty strict school). Before, I was somehow normal but now I kind of became 'weird'. But I don't have as much friends as before. 

2. That was because I got bullied, harassed, betrayed, cyber bullied, and I got into depression as soon as I came to this horrible new school. Yes, I do miss my old friends cause it's a big change to be the school's most popular girl and then to change schools and be nothing except bullied. Also invisible. It hurts too, but I'm trying to tell myself that it's better like that because I barely have any news of my old friends. They might've abandoned me. As we say, never trust anyone. But yeah, I have Ailin. And only her. She has so much other friends than me and I'm sometimes jealous, cause I'm not social at all.. I don't want to ruin her life by forcing her to stay with me, I don't even know how to do that. I wouldn't like to have other friends in my new school because they're all hypocrite in there.. Better to be alone than with bad people. When I'll be there for them, they won't be there for me. Like never. This is how hypocrite people are. Unbelievable. I want a friend who's always there for me, never abandons me, and understands me. But I don't think my wishes could ever come true.

Ailin is very social. I mean too much. But when she's with other girls, I'm not the kinda girl to get jealous at everything I see so I just don't care cause she is who she is and she is my friend. My only friend. I also became used of being alone from time to time.

3. I'm forever alone: as in friendship and relationship. They say I'm not pretty enough, or that I don't belong to them. 

4. Every single person in my class or school never get in groups with me because they say I am not ‘theirs’.

5. My mom is the only one who ‘educates’ Crawford and I even though she doesn’t. To be honest, I never knew my dad. Not as if I never saw him, but he was just my dad and he lived at home as my dad, ate , slept, worked, almost never talked.That wasn't until he made all these illegal things such as making a whole set of commercial shops illegally, having 4 off-shore bank accounts in the world (those illegal banks where you can hide a whole lot of money and they don’t ask where it’s from, and you can put in more than $1billion). Yeah it’s crazy.

Then, he went to prison and my mom divorced him cause he also cheated on her with lots of sluts. It’s disgusting. He even cheated on my mom with my classmate's mom. Ew. Since then, I’ve never seen my dad, and I do not want to. I don't want to be influenced by anyone, or have a bad example. I wonder why my mom chose him.

The truth is, I didn’t know him well enough to actually say, he is my dad. Imagine not knowing your own dad, the one who made you. He never considered me as his daughter either. 

And since then, my mom started not caring about my brother and I anymore. She started smoking and going out of home for days. We never knew where she was but we got used. When my dad was still here, we were one of the richest and happiest families ever in the whole country. Since he left, we were just normal. Crazy normal. I never knew where the money we had was coming from, because I don’t think my mom works. I already asked all the questions I was asking myself to my mom, but she never answered. All I know was what my dad did. And nothing more.

I like normal wealth though, it feels… normal.

6. My dream since I was 4, was going to space. I loved space science, astronomy. I’ve always asked myself what was outside the Earth. I want to know. It’s just strength inside me. It’s my passion. But as time passed, I started to love writing, and I started writing lots of journals about me, about random people. When I turned 7, I started loving music, so I took guitar courses and got really good at it. Even the teacher was impressed at me. Then, I started singing in a choir and performing in a French singer’s concert in the biggest stadium. I was on the national TV every Saturday and Wednesday for 3 months, and pictures of me appeared on the newspapers. I was only 8. My music teacher started talking to my mom and saidI was special: I had the musical ear which was rare in young musicians. I could hear a song once and memorize its lyrics right after. My mom she seemed like caring, but actually, she didn’t. Theater gave me a stronger voice, tae kwon do made my fighting way stronger, tennis made my breathing long, and I did much more activities as time passed. This is why I have so much trouble choosing who I want to be and what I want to do. The only problem was, I stopped everything as soon as I came to this shitty new school. My whole life was ruined when I came there, and nobody actually noticed.

7. My life goal? Just have the best life a human being can have; it’s literally impossible. It’s proven philosophically. Me? Negative? Sometimes, when I know things I want won’t occur, I’m just being honest. That’s what people call negativity. Well it’s not for me. I believe it's called honesty. I'm pretty straightforward. So, what I meant by having an amazing life was just getting out of this shitty school and life to go to Harvard or MIT. It’s impossible except if I get very good grades. I still don’t know what I’ll do later. I’m only 15, I can’t decide about it now, I believe it’s too early. I’d like a study with all subjects in it, just like school, because I like every subject. Whether it’s writing, or math, or science, I’m good at all of them and I love all of them. The only subject I hate is… history. Ew. Why talk about the past if we’re getting into the future? Let’s go forward, not backwards, come on‼

8. Nobody really likes me. 

Whatever you’re thinking, I know you all think I have a better life than others and I should stop being so negative. It’s harder than what you think. You don’t even know half of the story.