Goodbye ~ Alun Lewis
So we must say Goodbye, my darling,
And go, as lovers go, for ever;
Tonight remains, to pack and fix on labels
And make an end of lying down together.
James fixed the last of the tape on the small flap of cardboard. Boxes were stacked neatly in twos and threes. Not enough for one person and definitely not enough for two.
Natalia entered the room and placed the wicker candle on the dresser, it's golden glow softening her features. She cast a look at all their possessions before bowing her head in silent regret.
I put a final shilling in the gas,
And watch you slip your dress below your knees
And lie so still I hear your rustling comb
Modulate the autumn in the trees.
He made sure there was enough gas just for something to do, before returning to where Natalia undressed. It showed a sense of trust between them as she neither hastened to change nor tried to cover her modesty.
He lay back on the small bed, the narrow rails and creaky springs digging uncomfortably into him. The gentle ruffle of her hair as she ran her comb through it lulled him into a sense of peace and relaxation. His mind wandered back to happier times.
And then, 'We'll leave some gas, a little warmth
For the next resident, and these dry flowers,'
And turn your face away, afraid to speak
The big word, that Eternity is ours.
Neither wanted to say it. It hung like a foreboding chasm between them. To say it, that one tiny word, would to be declaring it final.
Your kisses close my eyes and yet you stare
As though god struck a child with nameless fears;
Perhaps the water glitters and discloses
Time's chalice and its limpid useless tears.
Even as the silence stretched between them, their eyes held the countless things they wanted to say. Her jade eyes soaked up every tiny detail of him and his steel blue ones hungrily clung to her, both too afraid to let go.
Tears ran down her cheeks as he pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, pulling her in close and holding her tightly. He propped his head on hers and stroked through her fiery mane, hiding tears of his own.
Everything we renounce except our selves;
Selfishness is the last of all to go;
Our sighs are exhalations of the earth,
Our footprints leave a track across the snow.
When dawn is raising her head above the horizon, her fingertips stroking the ground, they leave. Still clasped tightly together and still too afraid to let go. They leave behind everything except two small bags. Those they carry with them as they brave the fierce snow.
Their footprints walk side by side as they move further and further away, leaving everything they know and love behind. Everything, but each other.
We made the universe to be our home,
Our nostrils took the wind to be our breath,
Our hearts are massive towers of delight,
We stride across the seven seas of death.
Memories dance around their head as they reach the splitting point. He knows he won't come back, and she knows she won't be there if he does. From the moment they received the message to this very moment now, they knew each path was suicide. She could not live in a world without him and he could not live in this world. Their parting kiss tasted like salt from the tears of their memories and the bitterness of fate.
Yet when all's done you'll keep the emerald
I placed upon your finger in the street;
And I will keep the patches that you sewed
On my old battledress tonight, my sweet.
Many months later he lies within a war torn ravine. He lies so still and so silent that surely he must be dead. And dead he almost is. The patches on his uniform are worn and tattered yet are held together by fine thread, sewn by a delicate hand.
It's over. He knows it and far away so does she. She strokes the ring upon her finger and closes the book in her lap. She closes her eyes and let's the tears fall as somewhere in sunny France she's surrounded.
He lies in the soil, his blood giving life. She raises her hands and leaves quietly, the rest of the occupants shutting their doors. France is now occupied and she was a known offender of the Nazi policy.
He kissed his patches and she her ring. Far apart yet still together. And together they'd be soon enough.
A/N A bit gloomy and depressing I know. :)
