Antiseptic wipes. That's the first thing that Natasha thinks. Antiseptic wipes and bleach. The whole place stinks of it. The second thing that registers is the cold. She's freezing, but not on the outside. It feels like a block of ice is wedged between her ribs, and her lungs burn with every rattling breath. She then noticed that she's hooked up to some sort of oxygen machine. She also noticed she can't move her limbs when she goes to pull off the mask covering her mouth and nose.
She hears laughter from behind the door before it swings open and Sam and Steve enter with steaming cups of coffee. Her stomach growls at the smell and they both turn to her, eyes widening in surprise when they see her awake. Sam dashes out to get a nurse whilst Steve hurries over. "Nat! You're awake!" She rolls her eyes and tries to say no shit Sherlock but it ends up coming out like,
"No fi furlock." He gets the implied message though and chuckles fondly.
A nurse in blue scrubs enter the room followed shortly by a doctor. The doctor skims the information at the bottom of the bed before gesturing the nurse to remove most of the equipment, including the mask and IV line. "Good morning Natasha, I'm Dr Phoebe Hollister. I've just got a couple questions for you before I can let you move around." Natasha nodded as Steve gave her a glass of water. "First of all how do you feel?"
"Cold. But like inside." The doctor nodded.
"That's perfectly normal. My next question is do you know the man who saved you?"
"No. I remember blacking out and then waking up here."
"Ok. Well I'll leave you be for now but I'll be doing regular checks." She left and Natasha turned to Steve and Sam.
"Who saved me?" They looked down.
"Buck did."
"So where's James now?"
"I'm sorry Nat but he hasn't woken up yet."
***
A few months later and James still hasn't woke up. Natasha was constantly by his side, she even began working from home. The nurses would often check on Bucky only to see her absentmindedly brushing his hair whilst reading him stories. Sometimes they'd bring her coffee and snacks to make sure she didn't starve. Steve would drop by every now and then to send her home. He'd stay by Bucky until Natasha had showered, eaten and changed her clothes. During this time he'd tell Bucky how much he needed him to wake up, because if he didn't then he feared that Natasha would waste away.
It was during one of these breaks when the doctor consulted Steve over the possibility of letting him go. Ordinarily he wouldn't, but Natasha was ill. Really ill. She was struggling to sleep, to eat, to look after herself and Steve was struggling to help her. Maybe it would be for the best if they let Bucky go. At least then Natasha would be able to move on, instead of living in false hope. He and the doctor discussed at length. The hospital was small and poorly funded, meaning that his life support machine was needed elsewhere. Bucky had been comatose for four months. They didn't think he was going to wake up and if he did, he would most likely suffer from brain damage. Natasha was barely capable of looking after herself, let alone a boyfriend who may not remember her.
So Steve agreed. He signed the papers and held Bucky's hand. The doctor nodded at him and he was about to say his final goodbyes when Natasha burst in. "What is going on Rogers?!" Her voice was deadly calm but her eyes showed her true anger and betrayal.
"Nat, maybe we can talk about this later. He's not waking up."
"You don't know that!" She stalked towards him and he stepped back, raising his hands placatingly. "What would Sam say? What would James say? You're just going to give up on him? Well you can, but I won't. I'm his next of kin and I haven't signed." Steve winced.
"Actually, since you're not married, I'm his next of kin. We've never changed it." Natasha glowered.
"You don't deserve to be." He flinched back as if he'd been physically slapped. "I won't let you do it."
"Nat, c'mon. Please don't make this any harder than it already is." She whirled around, tears gathering in her eyes.
"If it was so hard you wouldn't do it!" The doctor gestured to someone behind her.
"Are we proceeding with this?"
"Yes."
"No!"
"I apologise Miss Romanoff but if Mr Rogers has signed and given his consent then I'm afraid you have no say." She turned on the doctor.
"I won't let you do it." Security came in through the door and Natasha's eyes widened as they came for her. "I WON'T LET YOU DO IT! I WON'T I WON'T!!" They grabbed her by the arms and she thrashed around, screaming and crying for James. Steve looked down at his friend as tears fell.
"I'm sorry Buck."
"NO STEVE! NO! MURDER! MURDERER! THEY'RE KILLING HIM!" She was dragged from the room kicking and screaming. The doctor turned away and the waiting nurses and people in the halls looked on in alarm, some shedding tears in understanding. Natasha bit one of the officers on their arm and sprinted for the room, a little boy stood in front of the men when they tried to chase her, slowing them down.
She was intercepted by Steve who caught her in his arms and hugged her close. "I'm sorry Nat. I'm sorry."
"NO!!" She frantically clawed at him but he was unmoving, only pulling her closer and crying. She would never forgive him. Fat tears ran down her cheeks as she screamed in desperation and anguish. Someone had to help her.
The doctor was visibly guilty as he headed over to the controls and gave her a sad, pitying glance. "Patient James Buchanan Barnes being released from the life support machine in three, two, one."
He flatlined.
A/N Not my best by far. I'm thinking of a part three? :)
