Her Royal Badass|✔

12|

     "Behaviorally, she is weird and stubborn and annoying and infuriating... Sometimes all I want to do is put her in a room, lock the door and throw the key away and there are days I'm kinda glad that mum formulated this cause I feel like I've found a friend in her. I wanted to hate her badly but she just has a way of throwing my fire back in my face and when someone gives you that degree of madness, it's hard to hate them." I said and looked at Cole who was just looking at me with a straight face.

      "You're looking at me weird man" I said and he shrugged.

     "Are you sure ready for this?" He asked and it was my turn to sport the weird look, except mine wasn't a straight face but a very distorted face.

     "Ready for what?" I asked and he shrugged.
       
     "I don't know man, but I don't want you to make a mistake. Are you sure you're ready to move on?, don't hurt yourself and don't hurt her. " he said and I stared at him, although I was catching up on a few things he had to say, I still wasn't getting the whole picture.

    "Be straight with me bro." I said and he nodded, he switched the TV off till the only sound that could be heard were the cracklings that came from the fire place.

     "Do you enjoy her company?" He asked and I nodded.

      "Are you attracted to her?, physically?" He asked again and I thought about it for a minute then I decided to say the truth, so I nodded. Who wouldn't be?.

       "The way you talk about her, it's like there's every probability you're going to end up feeling way more for her than what you would feel for a friend you're in a fake relationship with..... And I would have been happy you've found a woman who you can love like your own but damn, the circumstances surrounding it. Im scared for you Ian, I know how you felt with Serena, sorry to mention her but I know you're not healed yet...and what happens when you go ahead and allow yourself to love her, you will end up pushing her away, you'll end up getting cold feet, you'll end up acting the same way you tried doing with Serena if not for the push she gave you, you will run away from her man and you're going to break her if she feels strongly for you too...then on second thoughts, what if your love for her becomes stronger than your fears but she's still sticking to the bargain and she wants out. You'll end up right where you started and bringing you out will be almost impossible. I'm still so surprised as to how you're this free about talking about her" He said and every single words were the obvious truths I never wanted to talk about.

         "You're right Cole. I tried, you know. I would always give her the cold shoulder, I would be mean at every chance, I would withdraw myself but she just has her own way of trying to drag me out...and damn, I'd be lying if I say I'm not scared cause I'm scared shitless, I'm scared because I know the truth and the truth is forever is just one thing that doesn't exist. I chose this surrogacy thing to help clear out all probabilities of forever but it's looking as though it's the biggest mistake I've made in my entire life. Mum chose the wrongest person for me." I said and laughed ironically.

        "No one is asking you to stop yourself from being happy. There's no one on earth who deserves this happiness more than you do, you've lost enough and you deserve someone who is here to stay. I'm just going to keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best" He said and I smiled. We both remained silent for a while before I excused myself to my room.

        I sat on the bed and reached for my travelling box, I dug deep till my hand touched the hard leather, the sadness that overwhelms me every time I see the book doesn't compare to the overwhelming love that I felt and still feel for the woman who owns it.

       I pulled it out and flipped to the first page, I have read this diary so many times, more times than I can count, so much that I can recite every word, line by line, so much that I can replay every moment as though it were just yesterday.