it was saturday night. at 9:00 pm roughly. driving home after a nice little date at the movies. singing along to the radio. humming to the tune i was enchanted. enchanted in his voice, the way it was so smooth, so loving and gentle. the way the words would just roll of his tongue. the way he smiled at me once he realized i was staring at him.
staring and driving don't mix.
by the time i realized it was too late.
skidding across the road after impact.
the car flipped and rolled.
glass breaking, flying everywhere.
one final slam into the wall stopping the car.
i turned and look at my beloved boyfriend. he was unconscious and bleeding everywhere. he had glass in his chest and head. i felt for a pulse. i tried to wake him up. he didn't move. he was cold. he was numb. he was gone.
i killed my boyfriend.
zach herron.
that was six months ago. i haven't even begun picking up the pieces. my heart aches every time i looked anywhere. every living thing reminded me of him. i stayed at his bandmates house. i never went back to his room. i told everyone it stays the way he left it so if he ever, ever returned home, he'd have a place. i took refuge with daniel staying in his room with him at nights, keeping away the night terrors. they never stayed away. they always came and saw me as a target. always showing me the same thing over and over again. i knew it was my fault i killed him. i should have never looked away from the road or he would still be here with me. but i did. i looked away. the only comfort i had was texting his deactivated phone number. everyday. telling him things like:
i love you.
i miss you.
i wish it was me.
i should've never said yes to that date.
i should have never looked away from the road.
reese still calls for you.
myta still cries for you.
josh still aches for you.
ryan still prays for you.
we all miss you baby.
you're still mine and no one else's.
i'm still yours and never anyone else's.
i love you my zachary dean.
that's the only thing i have to keeping my sanity. knowing he might be listening. knowing he might still be loving me. knowing he might still be protecting me like the angel i always swore he was.
everyone always comes and checks on me. they all care so much. giving me hugs and placing kisses on my forehead. daniel cuddles me most nights. it's not a problem for us because we both know it never would offend zach. for when he was alive and he wasn't home but daniel was he would always say:
"hey how's my girl. you can cuddle her if she needs it. i'll be home soon. tell her i love her and miss her.
keep her safe seavey."
daniel would always say back to him:
"i promise bro. i'll keep her safe."
so at zachs service, after he finished his speech he turned to the corpse in casket.
"i promise zach i'll keep your princess safe as long as i live."
daniel turned to me and sent a soft smile. wiping the tears from his face as he joined me on the bench. daniel has kept his promise and it makes loosing my zach easier. but i still text that number everyday. no matter how happy i was, no matter how down i was, no matter if i had just woken up, no matter if i'm about to fall asleep as i type. i always text him. it's a way of keeping close to him. i still love him.
i love my zachary dean.
