Ashes Reborn

I Think Too Much

I think too much...

My thoughts don't come, they attack.

My emotions don't trickle, they flood.

Most of my thinking is of the past.

The past I can't see.

The past I can't touch.

You see, nostalgia is my warden and depression is the cage.

Whenever I try to escape the invisible jail cell, Nostalgia will find me before I make it across the yard and over the wall.

The wall I put up by hand.

Each heavy brick put there not in the effort to keep people out, but to hold myself in.

Like holding my breath, I will eventually breath out.

Destroying the walls long enough to make another brick.

I think a lot about the future.

The future that seems to be two steps ahead then suddenly three steps into the past.

The future is so very fragile.

I spend most of my time looking out to the future praying that it won't break.

But the mere sound of a depressed sigh is all it takes.

Always two steps ahead and three steps behind.

The question is, should I think about the future or the past?

Which one hurts less?

Which one won't break?

I'm not sure.

I suppose I could ponder such things,

as I work on molding my bricks,

inside my overly populated cage.

No one seems to notice.

No one seems to care.

I think too much.

Tomorrow, I won't have too much time to think.