Scream. Stop. Scream. Stop. Start again. Repetition. Repetition. Repetition. Can anybody hear me? Is anyone paying attention? I can't speak! I can't move! I can't do any – wait. Ponder. Think. Sit down. Control at school is a thing. Again. Hello! Mom! Mom! No! Mom! Please! Why? I just... I never said... Mom! Pausing. Thinking. Questioning. Hoping. Home memories are always... She should've said something. No! she is me. And I have no voice. Scream. Scream louder. Scream and scream and scream. The voice isn't lost yet. There's a boy. There's always a damn boy. Darkness. Nowhere to be found. Stop. Think. Question. Sleep. Dream. Scream! Hey! I'm sorry I was so mean and rude. Aha! That wasn't meant for you. Nothing was. Crying in bathroom stalls. Ceiling stares, so many dorm ceiling stares. Waiting. Waiting for change. No! waiting for someone to change me. Phone calls. Mom. You ruined everything! Always my fault. I promised I'd speak in class today. Lies. Liar. No more. Scream. Stop thinking so damn much. Tries. Fails. Waits. Listens. Questions. Sister shouldn't have done that. No one knows. No one knows... how I feel. New flat irons from Christmas break – still upset. Summer awaits but it's so damn cold outside. Darkness again. Hits ground so much I've become numb. Dusts self-off. Climbs a mountain. Falls. Speaks in jumbled words – metaphors. No one gets it. Explanations make it worse. Scream. No reply. Scream. No reply. Scream. No reply. Quicksand.
YOU ARE READING
Dreaming in Color
PoetryThese are a new collection of poems written in college. They're about my life, my lost love, my pain (new and old), and my journey through life.
