The STD Trace

19. Once a Dude, Always a Dude. Accepted.

Oh Shitballs! I am officially screwed. Why do I have to be so stupid, you know? Like, why can’t I be like a normal person and say I’m into photography or some crap like that? I officially suck at life. I commit social suicide just by breathing. I gave a nervous laugh and then cracked my knuckles. I’m about to ruin my life.

“Come on man, let’s hear it!” he urged me on. I sighed.

“Okay…..okay, okay, youz a fool and you drool. I just sit by the pool, I’m real cool. I’m the man with a plan. You just own a caravan. I like to do cool stuff, like acting real tough. You can’t count to three—you sit down when you pee. When I snap my fingers it will make you wanna cry, actually you will wanna die.”

“I own a retarded hen, you loving kissing men. My raps come from the south, you like poop in your mouth. In this rap of mine, I make a sweet rhyme. I can eat a full lemon—you’re a stupid wiener gremlin. You are lame, I’m insane. I make pain.”

“Sorry that I’m so mean to you, but it’s just because you love eating poo. I’m getting real competitive, and this song is starting to get repetitive. I’m not sure I spelled that right, but at least I put up a fight. Good night.”

A slow smile crept up on Andy’s face and then he busted out laughing. “That was cool, dude. You freestyle so funny.”

Omunique gaped at me. Everyone started clapping and Christina pushed her way over to me, swinging her arm around my shoulders. “Wow, you’re amazing. You should rap for me sometime.” She winked.

I’m about to hurl, she’s freaking hitting on me and I’m a girl! What do I do? “Uh, sure thang shawty.” I slapped her bottom.  She gave a little shriek and then she purred, rubbing her boobs against my arm. What the fuckcase? No wonder men are man whores. Abort! Abort! “I’ll see you around, sweet thang!” I winked and then I grabbed Omunique—AKA Wayne—and ran off to a more clear area of the skate park.

As soon as I sat down, Omunique busted out laughing. “Shawty? Sweet thang? Like, what kind of movies do you watch? You suck as a dude and this was your idea.” She laughed some more.

I narrowed my eyes at her. “Okay, who are you to judge me? Just be quiet and let’s see if Christina will admit to sleeping with that whatshisface guy.”

“Quinton Ramsel?” she whispered.

“Yeah, him. I don’t get the big deal about him, you know? Like, I guess he’s hot but still.” So glad I am a guy right now so that I won’t have to add another male to my list of hunky suitors. That would kind of suck.

Andy started laughing at something and then everyone stopped talking to face a general direction. Was Tony Hawk here? That would be so cool if Tony Hawk showed up! I know I don’t really watch skateboarding or whatever, but that would be so freaking awesome if he showed up right now. In fact, that would be sick!

“Oh, Quinton is very hot. I should have banged him instead of Ashton, I’m stupid,” Omunique grumbled.

I looked and then shook my head. “Oh, Quinton is so sexy. I should have met him way before I fell for Winston. I have bad luck.” I sighed in adoration.

He was tall, very tanned and both of his arms had sleeves of tats on them. They were sexy, not the cheap ugly kind of tats, but the expensive, colorful, and creative ones. He had gauges in his ears, a lip piercing and sexy black hair that he whipped out of his eyes. It was like in slow motion for me. I let out another sigh. He had on skinny jeans, Toms, and a tank top, his skateboard hitched under his left arm. His eyes were so blue. That’s a dream boy right there.

“Oh, Quinton,” Omunique and I moaned at the same time and then we fell over with laughter. Girls started to whisper among themselves and Quinton dapped up Andy and a few other cool dudes.