𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐎𝐔𝐓 - (𝟎𝟎𝟏)

-bleachers

i can still feel you running through my veins
i want to feel your breath on my neck i want you close
i missed holding you.
is it fucked that i miss how you make my heart ache?
1/15/19
4:14pm

update: i didn't miss it.
but, i'll write about kissing you
because that's
what i remember most.

i miss seeing you in the stands while the lights beamed down blindingly on sideline, your smile seeming to beam brighter. itching for half time to come around because i knew that when me and my teammates put our poms down and left the sideline in our matching uniforms and went into the crowd to for laughs and hugs and drinks and mango flavored smoke, you would weave your way through and find me and lace our fingers together and not-so-subtly drag me around the back of the bleachers. and then you'd press me against the cool metal; and i'd let you dance your cold fingers across my stomach and press into my hip bone and you'd wait for me to shiver
from anticipation.

and then you would kiss me so gently,
so teasingly, that i'd be breathless right from the start. ten or so minutes would pass, all too quickly and the timer would bleat like a sheep, loud and dull, and you'd let me go,
with a nod toward the field,
and an arch of one of your perfect eyebrows,
and one corner of your mouth lifted into a soft smile that reached your eyes.

the sun would start to set across the field and when it started to get windier every gust of wind that would blow through would make me miss the feeling of your fingers dancing across the back of my neck and tangling themselves in my hair. but then end of the 3rd quarter would come around and we'd be right back where we were before;

and you'd crash your lips onto mine
like a tidal wave crashing onto shore
and you would kiss me with a ferocity that i can't seem to forget.
so intentionally so deliberately so exquisitely
and i would just drown in youyouyou.
you and your peppermint breath
and your cherry taste
until i'd forget where i was and how to do anything else except be there.
kissing you.
and then all the sudden
you'd pull alway slow,
just to hear me huff in frustration,
until the only thing you had on your lips
was that cherry flavored smirk
and you'd let out a dandelion giggle because

you knew you had me
in the palm
of your hands;

and then your lips were back on mine and i would sigh into your touch and pull you closer than before with my arms wrapped around your neck
so all i could breathe in was youyouyou.
but then the timer would blare yet again and you'd always pull away first.
press a cherry kiss to my neck with a raspy sorry baby and send me off with me one of your good smiles;

and i would jog back onto sideline with a bounce in my step, and a stupid dopey look on my face, your traces in my hair, and lips dazed; your name practically written
in the little smudge of cherry lip gloss
shimmering at the base of my neck.

friday nights when it rained were worse because i was always colder and i'd want you close more than anything and every drop of rain that slid over my lips would make them tingle because you still werent pressing yours on them and that ache was different.

but if you didn't show up at all,

you knew
that i knew

that it was only because
you didn't wanna stand in the rain
because you catch colds easily

and that it meant
you'd definitely find me
sometime the next monday
and make sure
you whispered sorrysorrysorry
against my collarbone
amidst your cherry kisses
more than enough times
to make up for it.
and so maybe,
i, didn't mind the rain, all
that much.

but
i do mind
that the feeling of your lips
behind the bleachers
on those fall friday nights
will still dance through the back of my mind
every so often.
and i'm not sure if i could forget it
if i poured bleach over the memories
and lit them
on fire.

1/20/19
11:43 am