Curious // Billie Eilish

Chapter 6

The problem is, I don't really know who I could experiment with. It can't be just anyone, because if it's not someone I trust they could let it get out. The media and my fans would have a field day, I already get asked about my sexuality constantly. My only close, trusted female friend who likes girls is Callie, and I don't know if I can ask her to help me with this.

We talked more about her time helping girls experiment in high school, and she said she always felt used and lonely after, so she probably wouldn't want to do anything with me. Although, not to toot my own horn, but sometimes I feel like she's a little bit into me. Not anything serious, she probably just thinks I'm cute or something.

We've had a few moments here and there, which always linger at the back of my mind and drive me a little crazy. One time when we were cuddling and watching a movie when we both turned our heads to look at each other, causing our noses to brush together. Neither of us pulled back right away, and our eyes stayed locked intently for a few seconds. She reached out to tuck some hair behind my ear and her touch sent shivers down my spine. I think I wanted her to kiss me.

But she didn't. She just smiled and poked my cheek gently then focused on the movie we were watching, leaving me feeling confused and disappointed.

"Bil?"

I look up from my notebook to see the girl in question looking at me with those warm, brown eyes that I often find myself getting lost in. We're sat on my bed doing what we usually do, writing. She looks so fucking cute – her hair's in a messy bun, reading glasses perched on her nose and one of my baggy hoodies thrown on because she got chilly.

"Yeah?"

"Nothing, you just looked super zoned out." She giggles and the sound makes me smile.

"I think my brain's fried. Break?" She nods and closes her notebook, tossing it aside before moving up on the bed to sit next to me against the headboard.

"Let's watch The Good Place," she says excitedly and rests her head on my shoulder while I open my laptop and set it between us on the bed. Once I press play on the next episode she takes me hand and starts playing with my fingers, like she often does when we cuddle.

A little bit into the episode, she gets a text. I watch her as she takes her phone out and smiles at the notification, starting to text back. I shift my head down a bit more so I can read what she's typing and my stomach sinks when I see that it's Lauren.

I can't see much of their text conversation, but I can see enough to tell that it's flirty.

Lauren's asking her to come over because her roommate is out for the day, the implication that she wants to get up to more than just talking is clear.

Please say no.

I can't see what she texts back before she turns her phone off and focuses on the computer screen.

"I think I'm going to head out after this episode," she tells me and I feel my heart sink. Just like that, my good mood goes out the window.

"Aight," I mumble blankly and keep my eyes on the screen, not really comprehending what's going on in the episode we're watching because I'm so distracted.

As much as part of my brain tries to deny that I feel something towards Callie that I don't for other people, it's impossible to brush over the fact that what I'm feeling right now is jealousy. It's clear as day - I'm fucking jealous of Lauren.

I don't know if they've actually gone on real dates or had sex, but I know for a fact that they've made out because I walked in on it one time at Liam's place. It caught me off guard how much seeing that shit upset me.