And yet

My Mood, one of the only things I can control these days

Every day I have a choice, and it's the most important decision I make upon opening my eyes in the morning: how will I interact and react to those around me. I get to choose my mood. Most days, it's one of the only choices I have.

See, living with a chronic pain condition, an autoimmune syndrome the doctors are still trying to figure out, I never really know how I will feel when I wake up in the morning. And I hate that. I hate not having control over my body. I hate that I can't workout like I used too. I hate that I have to pace myself and take naps daily. And I spent a whole year hating all these things. Which means I spent a whole year in a bad mood.

Ugh. Yuck. Thinking back on it, it's rather embarrassing. Letting something I cannot control dictate my mood. And yet I think that might be a normal part of personal and spiritual growth: recognizing how important it is to take responsibility for your mood, recognizing what you have no control over vs what you have control over and how you let that affect you.

I have not fully come to terms yet with this health condition that has radically changed my life, but it is something I strive daily to work towards. To embrace my life. To love my body and all it does for me. To recognize there is still so much I CAN do. And to do all of that with hope and positivity, recognizing my mood will have a direct affect on my quality of life and the quality of my relationships. I have faith  this is part of my journey in life and I am meant to learn and grow through these physical and mental challenges...and I know for a fact one of the things I am meant to learn is this: only spending time and energy focusing on what I CAN control as opposed to fixating on what I cannot. And the main thing I can control? My mood.