And yet

Change and the fixer

I am a fixer by nature. Something goes wrong? I rush to find a way to fix it, make it right, return it to its original condition. 5 years ago, I started a charter public school. What the heck, who does that....me apparently.
I spent full days fixing things. Talking to people, trying to help them understand something or trying to help them understand another person. I spent full days trying to fix policies or reports. Trying to undo something that was done wrong. Trying to repair relationships, trying to create relationships.....

Why did I do this? Because I was so scared of change. I was so scared that the life I had created for myself and my family would be taken away from us due to a mistake or a misunderstanding. And even if it wasn't a mistake or a misunderstanding, I wanted to make sure nothing negative ever came of anything I did or my husband did.

It was exhausting.
I was so scared of change I spent all my energy trying to keep things they way they were.

But I had a realization this weekend. What if all of those events that I worked so hard to fix weren't there for me to fix them. What if they were there to show me that changes needed to happen? Holy realization Batman.
Did I waste energy trying to fix things that weren't ever supposed to be fixed? Did I waste energy trying to hold on to something or in some cases, someone, that I wasn't meant to hold on too?
And by doing that, by fixing and refusing to change, did I make the change more difficult and painful in the end? Did I prolong the change? By refusing to adapt, to adjust, to change, did I not only waste energy but also inflict more pain than necessary?

How do you know when you need to push through the discomfort and pain of change and when you need find a solution and fix the problem in order to keep things the same?

How do you know???