Blue Neighborhood

Part two

I don't return to Matthew's house for several days. I stayed at my own, isolating myself in my bedroom and avoiding my father. I was worried for him. I had no way to tell if he was alright. I know how out of control his dad get's on bad days. I've iced more than a few of the bruises he left on Matty. Wiped more than a couple bloody noses. Cradled him through his tears more times than I ever should have had to.

It's not till four days later that I can't stay away any longer. I have to go see him. The sun is out, shining obnoxiously, like it's mocking my concern. It's going to be a perfect, sunny day, even if you don't feel perfect and sunny inside, it seems to say to me. It has to be at least 85 degrees outside, and I've sweated through my tee shirt by the time I arrive in the messy repair yard that Matthew's trailer is parked in. To my surprise, and relief, the first thing I see is Matthew and his father, hunched over the popped open hood of an old truck, wrenches in hand, working side by side. His dad gently directs Matthew's hands, showing him what goes where, and which parts do what. Both of them have smiles on their face. Days worth of built up worry leaves me immediately, and I can almost physically feel it drain out of me.

"Matthew!" I call out, needing to talk to him. Needing to hear the words I'm okay come out of his mouth before I can be truly sure.

He looks up at the sound of my voice, startled. He motions for me to leave, but his father glances at me, and turns to Matthew, saying something angrily that I can't hear. Matthew shakes his head, gesturing at him to calm down. He turns away from his dad and jogs over to me. Up close, I can see that he's not quite alright after all. A faded black eye mars his face, and his lower lip is split.

I let out a small noise when I see him, desperately wanting to hug him, to hold him, but unable to do so while his father watches on. "Are you okay? God, Matthew, I was so worried. What happened, I-"

"You have to go," He cuts me off suddenly, and sharply.

"I will, I will, I just want to know if you're okay. Your dad can wait."

"No. He can't. You have to leave."

The harshness in his voice catches me off guard. "Why? I don't understand-"

"I know you don't, Jamie, I can't explain it to you." It's then that I notice how fragile he looks. Like he's bottled up so much pain and he can't hold it anymore. His eyes are red rimmed with tears.

"Matty, if it's something about your dad, we can work it out. We'll figure something out."

"No. We won't. I just need you to leave."

"But...But when can I come back?" My voice is small.

He shakes his head. "Don't. You don't come back."

His words are like slap in the face, sending me stumbling backwards. "Matty, don't. Don't say that." I reach out and grab his shirt in my fist, holding onto him. "You can't say that."

He holds my wrists, not tight enough to hurt me, but too tight to be loving. "Christ, Jamie don't make this harder than it has to be. It was never going to work, okay? It never was. We're just kids, how long did you think it was going to last?"

"Forever," I whisper, willing myself not to cry. "Forever, because you promised forever."

"Forever is a fucking lie. Nothing is forever. We were never supposed to be forever, those were just things that lovesick kids whispered to each other on the beach, while they were drunk on summer nights and bonfires."

"But I love you." I choke back a sob. "Why're you doing this?"

"Because I can't do this anymore. I can't okay? Just leave. I'm sorry, but it wasn't ever realistic. We're just dumb kids trying to kid ourselves that we've got our shit together. You had to know it wasn't going to last" I see his father over his shoulder, watching us darkly. Matthew tries to push my hand off of him, but I cling on, my tears spilling over.