Jocelyn's River

Jocelyn's River: Chapter 13

She remained still, and I looked down at her full, luscious lips. I remembered how sweet they tasted, and how her body melted into me the second time we kissed six years ago. I found myself leaning down closer and closer to her. Swiftly, Jocelyn turned away from me and put distance between us.

"Don't....please," she pleaded. "I-I can't."

"You can't what?"

"I can't kiss you!" she exclaimed emotionally. "I can't let you touch me the way you used to. We can't do any of those things anymore!"

"Why not?" I asked calmly, even though I wanted to cry out.

"Because! Because I have a boyfriend back in Illinois, River. We've been together for a year now."

"Hm, I see," I muttered. "Is that it then?"

"Is what it?" she queried.

"Us!" I yelled. I realized my tone, so I stopped, closed my eyes and folded my arms over my chest. "You feel nothin' for me anymore?"

"I can't believe you!" Jocelyn exclaimed. "You're acting crazy, River. Six years have passed since you broke up with me. Now, you're playing the victim."

I sighed heavily, shoved my hands into my pockets, and looked down at the ground. It took me a minute to become cognizant of my behavior. She was right. Things have changed, and I was the one who hurt her years ago by doing what I thought was right. I got ahead of everything by trying to kiss her, but I could not contain that desire. Needless to say, I was ashamed of my actions. We've grown up, no doubt. However, nothing could change my permanent love for her.

I could not blame myself for getting upset. Here was the one woman I truly loved and she was with another man. It was no one's fault. But was she implying that because it's been a while, there could not be a future for us? I could not handle the thought. All I wanted to do now was start over with her and make her wonder why she ever fell for the man she was with.

"Forgive me," I said. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. Let's just forget that even happened."

Jocelyn only heaved a sigh and said nothing. "It's fine," she assured me.

We looked away from each other as we both got quiet. The silence became unbearable. I attempted to spark up a conversation by changing the topic.

"What are ya doin' here in Waterloo?"

"I'm just visiting my family for summer vacation. I'm a third grade teacher at George Manierre Elementary School."

I smiled, for I could see her doing that. I was proud. There had never been a doubt in my mind that she would not be successful. "A teacher?"

"Yes, a teacher," she confirmed. "What about you? Why are you here when the war is going on?"

My chest began to ache even more. "I'm here because of my ma. She's....on the deathbed right now."

Her eyes widened in shock. "Oh, River!" she breathed. She took my hand in hers and squeezed it. "I'm so sorry!"

"Don't be sorry," I whispered.

"You look like you're holding up well."

"I'm tryin'," I replied. "I'll be okay, though."

"I pray that you will be." She looked up into my eyes and gifted me with that wholehearted smile again.

"It really has been a long time," she stated softly. "I must say that I've missed you...a lot."

"I missed you too," I said. No words could even come to elucidate how much I missed her. I put my hands in the pockets of my pants and stared down at her. "Maybe I can pick ya up sometime and we can get to know each all over again?"