How To Train Your Boyfriend

Chapter 27: What Did You Do To Him

"Someone is in a good mood," Theo said at lunch, after I sat across from him at our usual table. He was smiling at me and I was smiling back.

"It hurts that you sound so surprised," I replied before taking a bite out of my apple.

"Happy Sutton is my second favorite Sutton."

I raised an eyebrow. "What is your favorite Sutton?"

"Sutton just before an episode of the Bachelor."

"I like her, too," I laughed.

Minutes later Francie sat down next to me and immediately launched into an Adam-related story. I listened while Theo made the occasional comment, booing and cheering at the appropriate times. Everything was back to normal. The courtyard was buzzing with unbridled energy. Sophomores lounged under a tree, freshman clung to the ivy-covered walls, and senior football players were positioned at their usual bench, eyes roaming and varsity jackets cast aside. Laughter, a warm breeze, and Oakland Prep towering above us like a shield. Normal, normal, normal. 

The courtyard doors opened, drawing my attention. In walked Mia, popular girls in her wake and James by her side. He was carrying her lunch tray. She was talking. He was smiling. It reminded me of the first day, the day that I agreed to the job, the day that I had begun planning. That day was only three weeks ago, but it seemed like a lifetime. Now, Mia did not glance my way. We didn't share a look of mutual understanding, a look of secrecy. I had no reason to beckon James over, no plans to meddle in his love life. All bets were off. Everything was as it should be.

There was no more doctor talk that day. No more meetings in the bathroom. No more moments hidden in the art room. No more girls asking me to set them up with this guy and break them up with that guy. I was just a student.

When I got home immediately retrieved my journal.

I looked at it. And I mean really looked at it.

It seemed almost foreign now. I had officially (and I do mean officially) retired, and that sole fact had changed my entire outlook on what once was my prized possession. Now it just looked like a book. A small, bound collection of papers, slim enough to fit in your pocket.

It contained everything. It was me. Or, at least, who I had been during the past two years. I never noticed how detailed it was, how intricate and precise. Every name was mentioned, every act was described, every payment was calculated. The journal was thick and heavy, weighed down by secrets and shame. I dropped it onto my desk, where it sat open and waiting, and mentally decided to burn it later.

Before I could commit to the arson, my doorbell rang.

Sean.

This was it. The last hard part. The final hurdle in the race to being better.

After a quick pep talk, I made my way down the stairs and opened the door. Damn, he was cute.

I had almost forgotten. It seemed like it had been decades since I had seen him. His tan skin was bright and glowing, his dark hair curled by his ears, and his amber eyes lit up upon seeing my face. A ginormous part of me wanted to keep him around. We could be a summer fling, casual and low-key.

No.

No, I had to end it. Sean deserved better. Sean deserved more. I couldn't do to him what Daniel had done to me. And I couldn't go to prom with him while secretly wishing I was going with someone else.

"Hey," he said, smiling widely.

I opened the door wider and invited him in. He had never been inside my house before, and I was curious to know what he thought. My mother's house, with the black, white, and gray color scheme. Fake flowers on the tables, minimal artwork on the wall, silence, silence, silence. A deep contrast to my dad's, which was loud, loud, loud.