𝒈𝒐𝒍𝒅𝒆𝒏 (j. lannister)

chapter xxi.

Golden
Chapter 21.

The earth had stopped spinning. Well, that's what it felt like. It was if everything had just been paused. Time had stopped. She had stopped. She hadn't left her bed chamber in what felt months to everyone else. She had isolated herself away from the outside which was very unlike her. But who did she have left? She had been left alone in this still foreign city. Her father, her sister, her brothers and even her niece and nephew had left her. For a family that prided themselves on that exact thing, she felt alone.

Her brother walked around her bedchamber holding the little babe. Rocking her backwards and forwards. Quietly singing to her in an attempt to stop her from crying. "Taliya," her brother had called, and she hadn't heard so he called again. Still no reply.  She had been distant ever since he had come back from Dorne. She had barely even acknowledged that he was back, which was unlike her, yet he still knew that she had missed him even if she didn't voice it. She had changed since he had been away and not in a way that Jaime could even understand. She was reserved, so reserved that it didn't even seem that she was still with there. But she was. She was sat right in front of him. Right in front of the babe in his arms that she had refused to even hold. Jaime didn't understand. She had been so good with her boys. She was the best mother anyone could ever ask for. She had loved them with her whole heart. Would come running to their every beck and call. She would have done everything for those boys. They were her whole life. The only things that she had to live for.
That's why when she told him that she was with child again he was relieved. Finally, she would have something to live for again. She had told him that her own life wasn't worth living for. She had nothing to live for, nothing left apart from him. It had broken Jaime to hear her speaking this way. What had happened when she was away that left her with this mindset? He had regretted not visiting her more. He felt to blame as if he had failed her. As if there was something that he could have done when in reality there was nothing. When he had visited her, it had only made Taliya long more for the life she could have had.
"Hey," her brother said kneeling down in front of her taking her hands in his. He had given the babe back to the wet nurse. Taliya had out right refused to use a wet nurse for her boys so seeing that the wet nurse was now looking after the little babe completely, Jaime knew that something was wrong.
Her green eyes glancing up to his as she mouthed a small hello in response. This was this first time since he had returned that she had looked him in the eye, or even look in his general direction.
"Hey," he said again with a small smile on his lips, "how are you?" he asked, already knowing the answer. She was not fine, but she would try and tell him otherwise. He knew her to well. She could never lie to him.
"Ok," she sighed and for the first time in what felt like centuries Jaime saw a tear drop fall and roll down her cheek. He had seen happy tears, of course, but tears like these he had not seen in what felt like a lifetime. He dropped her hands pulling her close to him. Holding him tightly against him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and burying her face into the crook of his neck. He wrapped his hand around her neck and then she started crying. He could hear her sobs even as she tried to hide them. He didn't mind her crying in front of him. He would say he liked it, but that would've been wrong. He liked the feeling that he was the person that the other one trusts most, because otherwise she would be crying in someone else's arms. He felt special to her, he felt like she granted him access to her most intimate feelings, her tears, her sobs. But is also made him feel somewhat helpless. It sucked because there was nothing her could do to stop her from crying.

** this chapter is not finished, but i wanted to get something out** I've spent ages trying to write this chapter (well not the bit ur seeing now but everything after). I have also come to the point in my plan that i've just got blank chapters so that's taking a little bit longer as i haven't watched GoT in what feels like years so i can't remember what happens lol. But i am going to watch it so i can finish this story for you all xx