In This Love

Not Healing

The ride back was blank. I couldn't think of anything. I was moving mindlessly. I opened the main door and walked to the living room.

The sound of my cane clicked and echoed. Every step was making me feel disgusted of this permanent damage.

I'll never be anything but disappointment to everyone I know. I was weak, worthless.

I was everything they said I was.

My poor son got stuck with that pathetic girl.

Words of resentment echoed in my head. Their words. Their harsh cold words.

Be nice to you? Why? Because you're a cripple? Is that how you take benefits from the world?

The hammering of my heart was getting faster and faster. My mind was clouding with sorrow, self-hatred, pain.

"Cripple" I said out loud as I leaned my shoulder to a wall. I took a step closer to the coffee table I'm the living room and put my hands on side of it, stabling myself next to it.

"Pathetic" I talked to myself again as my throat tightened, pain erupted in it as I kept myself from breaking.

My lips quivered as I screamed "Cripple!" I grabbed the vase and threw it on the wall with full force. The sound of beating was so loud in my ears that I didn't hear the smash.

"Because of you they are stuck!" I yelled as I threw another one. An ugly sob escaped from my chest as tears were already making their way down my face.

My entire body was working on it's own, I was no longer in control of it. I reached to grab another one, I raised it in the air.

I was going hysterical. Everything around me was spinning, the stillness in the room was making me go crazy. I wanted to hit something. My hands were in my hair as I pulled them. I cried and cried. Screamed as ugly tears were falling.

I descended to the floor, my hands touched the soft carpet as I gripped onto them.

"Why can't you be more?" The hysteria was slowly dying down, I lay on the carpet on my side, silent tears still fell.

I heard footsteps behind me, making me go stiff as a rock. I sat up into a sitting position, wanting to wipe away the tears, that ugly proof of my sorrow.

My back was facing whoever stood behind me.

"Avery?" Rhys spoke with confusion, making more tears fall down my face as I stopped a whimper by clasping my hand on my mouth.

My breath came out in pants, my throat felt dry.

I lifted my head to see him standing there in the dim part of the room in his suit. With a flash of concern marrying his face. Rhys's dark brows were frowned together as he assessed me with question in his eyes. 

I kept telling myself to cover it up. My mind was screaming.

I tried to hold back the sobs coming from my mouth with a hand as I used to other to help myself us.

I looked back at him, he was still in trance, looking lost as he studied. I couldn't hold it back, not when I was under his unflinching gaze.

He was here but he wasn't actually there. He wasn't thinking. Was me crying that much of a shock to him.

I was his destruction. Why did he have to look at me like the ugly truth about us wasn't there?

I shaked my head and got up from the carpet, I bit my lip as the fears of my mind were twisting and turning. The traitorous time slowed down on its own as incoherent words managed to escape from my mouth "E-ev-every-thing is o-okay" I said, there was just a faint thumping in my ears.

The pressure in my head was growing and growing. The heaviness in my chest that was looking for an escape wasn't helping either.

My legs couldn't support my body anymore. With a shaking hand I, once again descended to the floor, completely forgetting that he was there.

Another sob broke through me as I spoke "Nothing you can do" I covered my face as few fingers wiped away tears from it.

My body was numb now. I couldn't feel anything. It was similar to what it felt like in my leg - it felt like a burden weighing in.

I didn't hear nor felt his steps marching towards my fallen state, a pair of hands gripped tightly onto my shoulders. Like a lover holding onto a lifeless body - he held me.

This was the moment I was going to decide, was I going to let him in? Or just going to push him away like I tend to do?

I raised a shaking hand, intending to place it nowhere particular. But his left the grip on my shoulder, then interlaced his hand in mine.

His other hand lightly cupped my face and lifted my face to his, my eyes were shut - afraid to see how he must be looking at me - like I was weak, waiting for his comfort. On any otger day I would have denied but not today.

I did need him.

"What's wrong" it wasn't a question, it was a demand. Rhys wasn't giving me a chance here.

My mind fogged once again, my lips quivered as tears filled my eyes. His eyes were moving over my face, reading every inch of it.

I closed my eyes and cried as ugly sobs broke through me, I couldn't take it anymore. I just couldn't.

I buried my face into his neck as I wrapped my arms around him. With a whisper into the night, I told him "I'm not healing"

I didn't know what to feel afterwards, with his body going stone in a milisecond, I knew he must have changed his mind about me, just like that

Not that long but it's something. I hope you all are enjoying the story so far. How was that cliffhanger for ya?