Broken

Broken | Bellamy Blake x Reader | The 100

So this was fun. We had been on the ground for what felt like a few months now. A lot had happened. O found a hunky grounder guy to snuggle up with. Clarke had sex with spacewalker right before his girlfriend showed up. Some people have died. Some have miraculously survived. And then there's me. I was barely hanging on.

I have always struggled with my mental health. It wasn't the best. I've had depression since I was 13. I could never forget the look on Dr. Griffin's face when she gave me my diagnosis, nor her disappointed tone when she said that the Ark ran out of anti-depressants 7 years ago.

I never felt motivated to do anything, and life just seemed too overwhelming. I tried my best to get even the bare minimum of things done to help out, but in my head I just never saw a point to it.

My parents never believed me when I told them I was sick. They thought that my "disease" was all in my head, and that I was just making up excuses to be lazy. I tried my best to do whatever I could do to treat it. I followed every single thing Dr. Griffin told me to do. I tried to socialise, to get even the smallest bit of exercise I could, and I even got a job to try and make me feel more productive, but nothing seemed to work.

Life just seemed to get worse and worse. I ended up losing my job because of how many times I called in sick. As my friends and I grew up, we lost touch with each other, and I rarely ever got out of bed. When I was 17, my parents said that they would no longer accept my laziness and if I didn't clean up my spoiled brat attitude, I'd be on my own. I decided that they were right. I was a waste of space and resources. Of course, they wouldn't want me. So I stole a bunch of meds and overdosed. Unfortunately, I lived, and instead of getting treatment, I got arrested.

When I found out we were going to the ground, for the first time in a long time I felt excited. I thought it would be a new start. The fresh air and the sun on my skin would help me, and it would somehow cure my depression the minute I stepped foot on the soft grass that awaited us. It didn't.

I was still depressed. My suicidal thoughts? Well they were the only thing I could depend on to always be there for me. Well that and Bellamy. Both of which I have tried very hard to get rid of.

Since we got on the ground, Bellamy has been on my case. I can't blame him. I understand that it may frustrate him and all the other delinquents when I just lounge around and do very little. We have gotten in countless fights over this. However, I never actually explained to him that I have depression. To him, I'm just some lazy lowlife without a cause. And because Bellamy, the big bad wolf in charge, pushed me around, so did everyone else. They'd take my food, which actually I didn't mind; I rarely ever had an appetite. They'd use me as their "training dummy," too. The bruises, scratches, and cuts were still visible under my clothes. They'd do whatever they could to make my life miserable. And if anyone tried to help me out, they too would be labelled as an outcast.

It had been a significantly rough day for me. These kinds of days weren't exactly rare, but usually I could just sneak away and cool down before going back to camp and trying to help out. But this morning I had stayed in for a bit longer then everyone else. Bellamy eventually found me. I got yelled at as he told me it was noon about seven times within his 20 minute lecture, and though this wasn't the first time he yelled at me, it was the first time I teared up.

The minute Bellamy saw he got even more frustrated and was about to start an entirely new lecture about how I shouldn't even be the one crying. Before he could, I stood up and tried to walk away only to be blocked by a group of delinquents led by Murphy, the asshole himself. Before I knew it, I got shoved to the ground and repeatedly kicked and beaten. They eventually left me alone, bruised and broken. I looked up to see Bellamy giving me a stern look. A frown was carved on his face. I let a tear fall as he simply looked away and walked in the other direction. I got up, and limped my way out of the gates. I wasn't wanted here.