The Struggles Of Waiting ✔

TWELVE

"Something on your mind?" Jaden asked, his deep voice pulling Alexander from his thoughts.

"Not really," he answered, realising he hadn't touched the chips in a few minutes. He shoved one in his mouth, his eyebrows furrowing. "Just zoned out a little."

"You okay?" the other man asked, expression mirroring that of Alexanders. He nodded, unable to find the right words. "You sure?"

"Yeah," he was eventually able to spit out. "Just tired. Didn't get much sleep last night."

"Well, I'd say you could stay the night at mine but you never sleep well on the spare bed," Jaden said.

Alexander shugged. "That's because it's a horrible bed," he said.

"Hey, I'm trying to save up for a new one, they're just expensive."

Alexander let out a huff. "Don't bother, I don't really mind it, you know," he said. He was used to uncomfortable beds and sleeping at Jaden's that he didn't mind having a sore back in the mornings. The pain never lasted long anyway.

"Still," the other man said. "I do have other people at my house aside from you."

"True," Alex replied. "I dunno, it's your decision. It is just a bed."

Jaden went to say something else when a high pitched voice called from across the alley. "Jaden! Alexander! What are you guys doing here?" Amelia and Lucy were standing at the counter getting shoes and waving enthusiastically at them.

They eventually made their way over, big grins on their faces. "We're just here for a couple of games," Jaden answered, gesturing at the second game they had set up but not yet started.

"Oh, that sounds fun!" Amelia said, grunting when Lucy elbowed her in the ribs. She turned to her soulmate. "Why don't we join them?" Lucy gave her a meaningful look that only confused Alexander and Amelia's eyes widened in realisation. She swung back around to face them. "You guys are on a date?"

Time seemed to slow down as soon as the question escaped the enthusiastic woman's lips. Alexander's eyebrows furrowed, desperate to know to right response to the sudden question. He looked to Jaden, who was opening and closing his mouth, struggling to find words.

Alexander had the sudden wish to say yes, they were on a date. He knew that they weren't, that it was just two games of bowling between friends, but he found that he wouldn't have minded if it was a date. If anything, he would have loved for it to be a date. The thoughts shocked him. He been trying so hard to push the thoughts away, but as soon as something revolving around dating came up, they came back in full swing.

"No!" Jaden exclaimed and time resumed at its normal pace. Alexander blinked, trying to force away the disappointment that threatened to show on his face. "It's just a friend thing. Where did you get that idea from?"

"It looks a little bit like a date," Lucy replied, eyes dropping to the floor. "I hadn't meant to embarrass you."

"No, no, it's fine," Alexander said, getting up from his seat and placing a hand on the shy woman's shoulder. "We don't mind. We're not on a date though."

"Damn," Amelia said. "That would have been cute." She let out a huff before grinning at Jaden. "We'll leave you guys to it though, but we should meet up tomorrow night. Isaac might finally ask that girl out."

"Okay, this I have to see. He's been saying he would for ages," Jaden replied with a laugh, earlier embarrassment apparently forgotten. Alexander's lips turned down into a frown, his eyes finding the stained grey floor. He shouldn't be so disappointed, of course, it wasn't a date. It would never be a date. But after the almost kiss at the carnival, he desperately wanted it to be.

But he couldn't stop the disappointment from washing over him like a tidal wave. He stared at the other man as he moved to throw out the gross remains of the chips. His dark hair had gotten a little longer during the months they had known each other, and stubble covered the tanned skin of his face. He was attractive, but he looked the same as ever. Just like Alex.

It was stupid, extremely stupid, for him to even consider another relationship. None of them worked out for him. It either ended because they stopped getting along or, more often than not, the other person found their soulmate. He didn't want the same thing to happen with Jaden, not after how close they had gotten.

They played the next game in near silence, and as Alexander had suspected, Jaden was just as bad at it. Alex couldn't seem to get back into the game, his mind filled with the same thoughts that had gotten his heart broken many times before. He would have thought he'd learn by now, but apparently hope always got the better of him.

"Are you sure, you're alright?" Jaden asked as they made their way out of the tiny bowling alley. "You've been really quiet today."

It was then that Alexander got the urge to just tell him. Tell him his real age, tell him his experiences, tell him he wanted to go on a date with him. But he didn't, couldn't, because if he did, Jaden might not want to be around him anymore.

"I'm fine," Alexander replied, giving Jaden a weak smile. Some days, most days, he hated his thoughts and the places they took him. He wished it would go back to the month before, when his thoughts had actually been good and not destructive. Around Jaden, they seemed to quieten down just a little bit, enough for him to actually feel happy.

"Liar," Jaden accused, snapping Alex from his thoughts. "Did the things Amelia and Lucy said back there make you uncomfortable? Is that why?"

"What? No!"

"Because, you know, it's not that big of a deal," Jaden continued, not hearing Alex's words. "Obviously you're not interested in the whole dating thing, but it's nothing to get angry about."

"Jaden."

"Unless you're one of those people who don't like to be with those of the same gender. If you are, that's a little messed up, because your soulmate could be anyone-"

"God, can you shut up for two seconds?" Alex exclaimed with a laugh. He placed a hand on the other man's shoulder, biting down hard on his lip. "I wasn't uncomfortable because of what Amelia and Lucy said, or because of my sexuality or anything like that. Hell, I wasn't even uncomfortable, just confused."

"About what?"

Alexander almost didn't answer, almost pulled his hand away and left it at that, but the words spilled from his lips before he could take them back. "About why I wanted to say yes when Amelia asked, about why I could see myself dating you."

"You- What?" Jaden spluttered, eyes widening and a blush forming on his cheeks. Sensing his embarrassment, Alexander pulled his hand away, his own embarrassment blooming in his stomach.

"Nevermind, just forget about it," he muttered, wishing he hadn't said anything. He should have just kept his mouth shut, it would have been so much easier. Now he was going to add Jaden to his list of heartbreaks and screw-ups.

"No, wait! I'm just surprised is all," Jaden said, running a hand through his hair and taking a step back. "I didn't think you would- Ugh, what I mean is- I could see myself dating you too." He spoke the final sentence in such a rush that Alexander nearly didn't hear it. Jaden moved away, face red as a tomato. When he caught Alex looking he turned away.

"You okay?" Alex asked, voice filled with concern.

"Yeah, I'm just not usually so out there, or sappy, or whatever," the other man answered. He back to step away, heading towards his car. "I don't know what I'm doing."

"Well, why don't we actually go on a date?" Alex asked, laughing at his embarrassment. He felt happier than he had been in a long time.

"What? Now?"

"No," Alex laughed. "How about we have lunch on Friday?"

Jaden was moving closer and closer to his car as if he thought the contraption could save him from his embarrassment. "Yeah, that would be nice," he answered, giving Alex a sweet smile. "Now, I'm going to leave before I turn even redder and get more embarrassed."

Alexander sighed, raising an eyebrow at him. "Jaden, you have to drive me home," he said, laughing as the realisation dawned on the other mans face. He vowed that he wouldn't embarrass Jaden too much on the way home.